Break-ups, or ending any sort of relationship, is one of the more difficult feats to overcome and are particularly harsh on the human psyche, especially when we become use to this relationship in our day-to-day routines and depend on them for parts of our happiness. While the old cliche "time heals all" cliche holds true, the discomfort, misery and hopelessness we can feel during the change are particularly stressful. These negative emotions can make us want to "bring things back to normal" and repeat the cycle of a bad relationship, which, despite the hope we have, can make it that much worse when it's dragged out and things finally come to an end. It is remarkable that you have come to the conclusion that you DO want to end a relationship you are aware is not a positive one and that you want to overcome it. While nobody can cure the sadness you are feeling, the first rule to remember IS that time heals all, and pushing through the negativity now will result in a positive outcome later, and open you up to a better, happier, healthier relationship down the road. In the mean time, I've tried to put together a collection of tips based off of readings and personal experience that can help guide you through your hard time. First Things First: The Break-Up Itself 1. Some people try to ease the blow by trying to remain friends. However, this is not a very good option for most people: at least initially. In order to completely free yourself of the negative feelings and move on completely, at least at first, a complete wipeout is often necessary. Deleting phone numbers, blocking on social media, and discarding momentos may be difficult at first, but it will save you from constantly checking up on them, continuing to revisit old, happier memories that could jade your current perspective, and over all be a huge obstacle in releasing the relationship. While she may be a good person you very much care about, it would be in both of your best interests to say goodbye for a long period of time in order to give each other the space and time necessary to do what you each need to do to get over the relationship. Constantly checking up on her, visiting her social media to see what she is up to, and looking over old momentos will only prolong the process of letting her go and will make you want to try and speak to her, which very easily turns into "trying again". 2. You may still find yourself remembering the good times and wanting to try to rekindle the relationship. This is very dangerous. While it may seem not very nice, a helpful way to overcome this is to sit down with a pen and paper and write down all of her negative qualities and habits that you did not appreciate, all of the things that caused the initial fights, and remembering the bad times. While it won't be fun remembering exactly why you two decided to end the relationship will help you from falling back into craving the companionship. Healthy Habits to Help Overcome the Hurt and Pain of Missing Them 1. A very good way to express your feelings and release some negative emotions is to write or talk it out. Blahtherapy is an excellent source to anonymously vent about what you are feeling and reaching out for advice or support, as you have. Whether it's writing an entire novel of yours and hers relationship, keeping a daily journal, or even something like blogging, writing is also an excellent source to turn to, as it allows you to not only express your emotions but also reflect on them and watch yourself improve over time. Something I do every day is make sure throughout the day I write down at least three good things that have happened to me: whether it's having my favorite lunch, wearing a new shirt, getting laundry done, or chatting with a friend, I make sure to write down three positive things every day to teach myself to be a happier, grateful person. if you have a smartphone, "Happier" is an app that makes this easy. I very much recommend it. 2.A FANTASTIC way to overcome your breakup is to channel all of your feelings into getting active. Physical activity released endorphins, which are chemicals in your brain that boost your mood and can dull physical and even mental pain. Being active literally forces your body to be happier, however temporary. Working out will also eventually get you into better shape, which can boost self-esteem and self-confidence, which opens numerous doors for you and your relationships down the line. Working out by yourself at home is easy if you don't have the time or money for a gym membership or a club to join: googling simple at-home exercise is easy. Youtube videos are available for further help, and you can also look up Pilates and yoga videos for at-home activity. Joining a sporty club or team is an obvious source of exercise, and can also introduce you to new people and help you develop and cultivate new friendships and activities. 3. As I mentioned before with getting active, reaching out to old and new friends is the key to your success in overcoming a relationship. while I would NOT recommend a "rebound" relationship, spend the time you normally devoted to your relationship on people you still have in your life. Rekindling old friendships and spending time with family can be great tools. Most humans are wired to crave companionship, and this doesn't always have to come in a romanticized form. Getting lunch with a friend or helping your mom cook dinner allows you to socialize and continue and build friendships. I hope some of my advice will be of good use to you! Over all, just remember, time WILL heal all -- so do not let the pain of loosing something force you back into a negative cycle. More often that not, it will make it more difficult in the long run. Also remember to take care of you! Sitting around at home, obsessing over her and the good times will drive you crazy and prolong the healing process. Remember that you, too, deserve to be happy. Find yourself again, and use the time and pain of a breakup to your advantage and better yourself and the relationships you still have. Message me any time with any questions you have or to clarify anything, or more advice you would like! Best!
