You need to get help, you don't have to go through all this stuff alone. I know it can be very painful and then it seems like no one out there cares to help, but there are actually many people who can and care to help. You just need to find them. At this level of distress, I recommend you see a therapist. Also, don't keep your feelings to yourself! That just makes them worse. Do you have any friends, teachers, doctor, anyone you trust? Tell them what you're going through and how it's affecting your life. Ask for recommendation to a good professional. If you have a hobby and like to paint, write, sing, play sports - go out of your way to spend your time doing what you like and expressing your emotions that way instead of hurting yourself physically or with thoughts. That helps. You can come here on Blah Therapy and join the chat as a venter too. Just don't give up - there are many options and life is that much sweeter once you've been able to overcome the pain you're currently in!
