I’ve become so introverted.

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Ever since my fiance went to prison about two years ago, and our friends disappeared, I’ve been really avoiding letting people in. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people that know my situation and have passed no judgement on me, but I’m getting increasingly introverted. I don’t want to spend time with anyone outside of work. I tend to get really anxious and search for ways out of social situations. I ignore calls and make excuses. My fiance is pressuring me to spend time with his family or those friends that have kept their distance but never blatantly ignored my phone calls. Sometimes, he’ll make plans with his family that will result in them imposing and showing up at my house to spend time without asking me first, which has caused a lot of anger and depression for me. I’ve spent too much time on my own, that I fear when he does finally come home in February, I may not be able to pull myself out of this.

Category: asked October 28, 2013

3 Answers

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I can't imagine having to be in this situation, but serious props to you for staying with him.I think he wants the best for you and wants to avoid completely starting over when he does come home. Maybe tell him that you feel uncomfortable?
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First off, do not feel bad about being introverted. I am the same way. Recently I have become sick and am on medical leave, and I have done the same thing. It is definitely not a bad thing. At this point in your life this may be what you need to get through such a hard time, you know? One thing you could do is explain to your fiancé that you really just need some time by yourself to get better, that you are okay, that you don't need people around you at all times.
Another thing you can do is instead of making excuses to not hang out with people, you can tell them the truth. Don't feel bad about the truth. Tell them, I love you and all, but I need space and time to think so I can feel better. I know I'm not acting like myself, but don't worry, this is what I need and I need you to respect my decision.
People will understand as long as you tell them exactly how you feel. This won't last forever, you will be you again. You just need to give yourself time to think and understand why you feel this way. You will be okay.
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Thank you both, wishmaker and ALA. I have tried to explain to him that there is something really wrong right now, and I need him to let me have my space to cope. This past weekend, it was made a big deal that his brother and cousin come stay with me, so I could take them to visit him. This made me quite angry due to the case brought forward to me: This was the only way he could get his cousin to visit him, and his cousin (32 years of age) needed someone that had been there before. I asked him to remember back two years ago when no one would go with me for my first visit, and I broke down in tears inside the prison, by myself because of the stress of it. Holidays are a nightmare, because no one will let me out of them. I've tried to bring forward my feelings and plead I be left alone. I sincerely appreciate the props for going through this, wishmaker - I think it takes a special kind of strength you just don't have until you're forced into something like this. Thank you for making me feel a little less crazy, ALA. Despite where he is, I still feel I'm so lucky to have him, and I don't want to be afraid I will develop something deeply rooted that will drive him away.