It’s not even a take and give relationship. Should I keep it?


“I’m going to be 17 next year, and my relationship’s been going on for six months.
I love her so very very very much. She hurts me, but when she hugs me she also fixes me.
She rarely appreciated my gift, forbid me to do something that’s important to me, and so many things.
I can’t just let her go because I know that she’s the one. It’s tiring but I still believe that it’s gonna be worth it one day (even though she’s so far from ‘understanding’).
Should I keep it? My friends said that I’m stupid. I’m so confused right now :( Please help me!”

Category: Tags: asked August 16, 2015

4 Answers

Hello! I understand your problem , I have also been in a relationship like that when I was 16/17 . Now, a few years later I see that I was very young and not so experienced in relaionships at that time. I loved my boyfriend and I couldnt have imagined my life without him but I ended up breaking up with him because I realized that we might love each other but we dont fit together...and I think it was a great decision. Now I am in another relationship and this time with a guy who has everything I ever wished for and we both love each other and now I see what a good , healthy relationship looks like :D I dont want to tell you what to do because I dont know you and your relationship , you might be able to fix it but in that case you have to sit down and be honest with your partner. I also think you are young and if your relationship is not healthy for you because you are hurt a lot you should think it over, you are going to meet a lot of people in the future and maybe at some point of your life you are going to meet someone that really makes you happy :D I hope my advice will help, best wishes :D
i was in a similar situation when i was your age. so hopefully i can shed some light and help a bit. the best thing you can do for yourself is leave. for one if she doesn't trust you or stops you from doing something that is important to you then she is a poisonous person to be around. you want people who support you and want you to do what makes you happy. yes sometimes people do hurt us, but if its continuous that is not gonna be good in the long run. when i was with my ex he was the same way. he was controlling to where i couldn't do stuff that made me happy, he would break up with me count less times he would do all sorts of stuff, but then turn around and treat me like i was a princess and i really did think he was the one. the last time he hurt me i left. i said "i am tired of being hurt, and i don't want to look down the road and see this relationship in ten years not changed. because people don't change unless they want too. now im in a better relationship, which took time to move on, but it happened. i know its hard but your first priority should be to yourself as a person. if you are not happy and she isn't someone who trusts and appreciates you or supports you as a person then she isnt the one and unless she wants to change she never will be. im sorry.
Hello, Maddie! First of all, don't worry, you're not being stupid. It's a legitimate concern because your response to the problem could affect you greatly. And hey, even if it didn't, it still matters to you, and things that matter to you deserve to be respected.

You need to communicate with your girlfriend and be on the same page. Does she think of the relationship the same way you do? Is she aware that you're unhappy and that you want more from her? And, most importantly, does she feel the same way about you as you do about her?

The truth about relationships is, you enter into a relationship because you're already happy and you want to share that happiness with someone. Not because you need one to be happy. And in order for it to be a good, happy, healthy relationship, there must be mutual respect and trust, equal feelings, and good communication. It's not a good idea to be in a relationship with someone if you're lacking any one of these qualities.

Once you communicate, you need to evaluate the relationship. Does she love you as much as you love her and consider you "the one"? Can you both communicate well (as in, she is understanding, kind, and respectful to you and your points of you, and you are the same to her)? Do you both love and trust each other equally? And are you both willing to adapt and sacrifice equally to ensure you both feel happy?

If you answer no to any of these questions, you need to consider that she may not actually be the one for you. It's hard when you love someone, but you deserve to be loved back just as much and treated with respect and care. No one should get to write on your heart in permanent marker but only let you write on theirs in pencil.

If you answer yes to all of them, then you both need to communicate better. She needs to understand what particular qualities of a relationship you need in order to feel safe and comfortable in a relationship.
If she is keeping you from doing what you love or is very important to you, she's not worth it. THE ONE will be supportive of you in every way and always care about you. She would never NEGLECT you AT ALL.