Please, all I’m asking for is a quick read.. This may be long, but I desperately need your help/advice.. So here we go:
Not long ago I complained on this website about my situation: a closeted 22 years old gay with zero love experience (not even first kiss), self esteem issues (till the point where I couldn’t get out of home because of how ugly I felt), and high expectations from the family (that I obviously can’t cope with).
Now i’ve received various responses regarding my complaints, and I honestly felt better.
This past week I tried to ignore the bad thoughts, it was hard to do but I was getting better at it… Until… I started hearing these voices and having extremely bad nightmares.
I would hear people talking in my left ear, like just some random voices telling me weird stuff like “she’s dead” or “she’s hurt”, “he’s in pain” , “he’s burning”. Like I’d seriously turn around and ask my friends if there was someone who had just passed next to me… Of course, they were thinking I was making it all up so I didn’t insist.
Now let’s talk about the nightmares. I would dream people chasing me down, not wanting to kill me but wanting something from me. I just see myself running, and hiding constantly. I get physically exhausted in real life, as I wake up soaked in sweat and with a leg pain as if I’ve had an intense jogging sessions.
The worst part is the combination of the two: I occasionally have these “visions” that depict the death of someone I love. Like last week I’ve seen my mother fall off the balcony and scream my name sooo hard that I rushed through the balcony calling out for help while she was just on the sofa relaxing… Same happened with my dad, except I saw him accidentally pour boiling oil on himself (i’ve also rushed in pure agitation to the kitchen, nearly crying…)
Of course their response to this behaviour of mine was to get extremely worried, and they’re thinking of visiting a neurologist (yes, they genuinely think it’s a neurons problem or stuff that just have to do with hallucinations.)
Now, I’m sure i’m not 100% crazy since I can still discernate dreams from reality, but what the hell is going on with me?
If you’ve read it all, I deeply thank you… And I really wish you could help me, at least just giving me a simple advice.
Again, thank you if you’re spending your time to help me out.