It’s getting worse.

i wish that I could offer you some magical advice that would make things better for you. Even when i felt like I was a super fuck up, I never wanted to not be alive so I have a hard time wrapping my head around the concept of not being. Have you talked to a therapist about the way that you feel? When you get this depressed you shouldn't try to carry it all by yourself. Look i know that there is bad stuff in the world, but it isn't all bad and frankly there is some pretty good shit too. Please talk to someone and don't just try to "fix" yourself. I wish you all the best. I am always willing to talk but I don't know how much help that I can offer.

I was in much the same situation a few months ago, you /must/ talk to someone about this. And defiantly try to talk to a therapist, I know it can be hard, but trust me, if you take that first step, it's a step towards feeling better and actually feeling happy again. You can do it, I know you have the courage to. If you can't do it over the phone, then maybe try emailing a therapist in your area, if you live with your parents and don't want to explain the situation to them then include that in the email. If you can't do that then use these guys: https://www.imalive.org/index.php just please, don't give up. I know it seems like it's never going to end, but it's not permanent. It never is.