It seems a lot these days that I feel like I should just overdose on painkillers or something?

I must say I know how you feel, I feel alone a lot of the time too. I feel like nobody understands my situation or where I come from. Try being more open to new things, make new friends, live life on the edge and try something you wouldn't normally try. You might just meet someone along the way that is in the same or similar boat as you. I can tell you that overdosing on anything and painkillers will not do the trick. It will only make people look down on you (as silly as that sounds) would you want to be friends with someone who is constantly depressed or overdosing on things? I surely wouldn't. Try looking on the positive side of things and thank God for another beautiful day.

I understand. I have been there, not quite out of it all yet, but I am doing better. From your writing I got that you moved recently. If you really hate yourself in every single way, if you are invisible, I want to suggest you exploring the new country. I mean, if you hate so much about yourself, a new star it what you really need. I would love to move somewhere else and start a new life, and I think, since you are in this position, you really should try. Meet new people, attend courses or do some activities where you could meet new people. Even if it seems pointless, there definitely ARE good people in this world, who would make you feel special. If you cannot find the support there,try doing that on the Internet. I mean I did the same, and I can approve that long distance friendships work. And since you think that you are invisible there, I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to try to find good people somewhere else. I wot tell you to juts love yourself, I know how hard it may be and I know that words "be happy", "love yourself" don't help at all. But hey, I suggest you starting with little things. Improve your skills, follow your passion. My passion was guitar, and it really helped me when I was left there alone. Yes, it didn't save me from depression, but I got through. And those little things can improve your self-esteem too. Believe me, there are many people who didn't believe but they continues to try to go through everything and now they are glad that they did not end their life. Just give it some time. We all have out bad times. It may be long for a few years, maybe only months, but still, it is nothing compared to the whole life you may have. I don't know where I am going in my life too, but that doesn't mean that you should worry about that too much. Fast decisions may ruin your life, so better take some time, you will figure this out. I'm 18 too and I am trying to do the same thing. And everybody who judges you is not capable to tell you how to live your life. You are just 18, take some time and consider everything carefully and you will make the right decisions. :)

To start, if you are truly feeling suicidal, please please please seek professional help. There are medicated and non-medicated options available.I think that everyone goes through highs and lows in life. It's not perfect. There will always be problems and things that strss you out. Some friends are temporary, and they come and go. But for every problem there's a solution. Every cloud has a silver lining. The glass may be half empty, but it's also half full, so life is really what you make of it.Every day that you wake up is a new day. A clean slate. You can choose your perspective.Here are some ideas: start a self-esteem journal. It can be an album, scrapbook, whatever. Write down all the things that make you happy. Write down all the things you are greatful for. Even if you can't think of anything, you are alive and healthy. You're in a part of the world where some people only dream of vacationing. Things that make you happy can be anything. A delicious cup of coffee or tea, sand between your toes, sunny days, etc. Keep adding to thid list. Ask your friends back home to write down all the things they love about you and mail it to you, so you can stick this in your journal. Write a letter to yourself. Then on bad days you can always go back and look at these letters and lists and things that you're grateful for. You're in a new place, and that can be lonely. Go out and meet people! Talk to strangers. Maybe join a volunteer group where you can help those in need. Pick a new hobby and take classes. There are countless ways to meet new people :) you just have to take the first step.

you are way too young to feel like this...your life is just starting. find something you love and do that.