Is this wrong?

When my boyfriend and I started dating, he was super jealous. Although I know it’s wrong, I actually stopped talking to my best guy friends (and any other guy friends I had) to avoid fighting over it all the time. I’ve always gotten along with the male gender better… not in a sleep-with-everyone kinda way, I was just one of the guys. I’m a tomboy. So, naturally, losing all my guy friends was really losing ALL my friends. Now that I’m kinda active on the site, I casually talk to some people here. And there’s no flirting, I’m not interested, I’m not even doing anything more than trying to have some friendly connections with people. I have nothing to hide. But I still feel like I’m doing something wrong, so I still hide it. And I feel ashamed of it because of our past. I’m truly not being scandalous, I just feel like I have to hide these things still. I have such a guilty conscience because I’ve made friends with some of these people. Am I really doing something wrong?

Category: Dating & Relationships asked April 24, 2014

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Carrie

349

6 Answers

Hello miss Carrie, you did the right thing in reaching out.

Your boyfriend's jealousy is not acceptable. He has no right whatsoever to control who your friends are, and you should not have to sacrifice friends to satisfy a partner's jealousy.

You go right ahead and get your friends back and tell your boyfriend that he has no say in what gender you speak to. You want a partner in life, not a master who will control you, you don't want someone unreasonable and selfish.

Always remember that you deserve the same chance as anyone else at pursuing your happiness. Never allow anyone or anything to stifle your will to live happily. Most importantly, never forget that you matter, and you are not alone.

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Humanist Hope

16,417

There is absolutally nothing wrong with talking to other guys and having friendly conversations with them. I know plenty of girls who have done the same thing as you. Had a ton of guy friends, they find a boyfriend, and stop talking to their old friends cause their boyfriend gets jealous. Every single friend who has done that has not been happy in their relationship because they are not true to themselves and feel like they need to choose between a relationship and their friends. You can have both. Just explain to your boyfriend that you have friends that are guys, but that's all you ever are and ever will be is just friends. A relationship involves trust and he should trust you enough that you'll just be friends with your guy friends.

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303

I went through the same thing, was very good friends with several guys, and my fiance is also the jealous type, so in order to avoid any more drama over me talking with any other guy besides him, i quit talking to my friends who were guys. Now that I look back, it was stupid, and I kinda resent the fact my fiance pushed me not to be friends with other guys. Don't let his jealously control who your friends are.

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firefly22

144

You could try and explain to your boyfriend how much he means to you, that he has no reason to be getting jealous over you and your boy mates because they're just your mates. If you notice that the conversation is turning into an argument, stay calm. Show him you really want this sorted out, because as well as you want to stay in this relationship, you want to keep your friends and want to make friends on here without feeling bad. Also, mention to him what you said here, that you're kind of a Tomboy, and as well as you need him you also need your friends, I'm sure he'll understand. You have to be happy in your relationship, be open with him. Spill your heart out to him, tell him how this is really making you feel and if he cares for you he will understand and it will make both of you feel better; you will no longer feel guilty about having male friends on here, and his jealousy might calm down a bit. :)

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happiness

It's not your fault. Some just don't feel as secured as others, with their significant other having friends of the opposite gender as well.

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Raymond

It isnt wrong, its wrong that you feel like you are doing something wrong when you are simply making friends, Anyone who is jealous enough to make you stop talking to all guy friends doesnt trust you enough. Thats what you should talk to him about, trust. having a little jealousy is normal, but from how this sounds, it isnt.

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Korol Piratov

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