Since January, I have a problem. When I am sad, angry or frustrated suddenly, the voice in my head is telling me- ‘If you weren’t, your mother wouldn’t pay so much’ ‘If you weren’t, your friends wouldn’t have to care.’ ‘One day world won’t be big enough for every human. Why don’t you do a world favour and kill yourself?’
And I don’t even have to think about these things. It just suddenly comes to my mind and I have to yell at them. Every little thing gets me super sad and I am really jealous person so you can imagine how hard for me is to stay strong.
I’ve read about these people that had voices in their heads for five years and I admire how strong they are.
I want to tell about it to my mom but there are three things-
1. Maybe it’s not that serious and it’s just a normal thing going on in my head.
2. My mom will say that is just a adolescence going on.
3. My mom will say that our neighbours are spying on us and play some stuff into my ears (she done this before when I told her about other voices in my head).
I just can’t say anything to her anymore. Don’t judge me for it.
I have no idea what is going on. But maybe it is normal after all.
P.S.: I already visited 3 psychiatrist since I was 8 years old (Anxiety, ADHD, learning disorders…) and I started to self harm on the age of 9. I already tried to kill myself about 6 times but since January, I don’t have depressing thought nether I self harm anymore. I just have this voice in my head when I am sad.