Is this healthy in a relationship?


First off, I am not new to relationships, I have had many in my life. But 99% of them were long distance, online relationships.

Now two months ago I was reunited with someone I used to care so deeply about. It was someone I was in love with, and someone who I actually dated at one point. Him and I broke up the first time we dated because he was moving away and he couldn’t do distance. (He’s not a tech person so he has never owned a cell phone and never gets online.) Anyways, him and I got back together…but things are so different and I’m not used to being with someone in person…let alone like him.

1.) He changed a lot for me. I’m not saying I MADE him change…I just asked him to stop a few things…like the fact that he’s a smoker. (He’s only 18. He’s been smoking since he was 10…) I asked him to stop because I am allergic to the smoke, I don’t want him getting lung cancer in the future, and also I don’t like the taste of a smoker. So he stopped and started using an E-Cig which isn’t so bad. He doesn’t use it very much. But he jokes about it all the time. “What would you do if I smoke again? My brother wants to go do hooka.” “Oh what if I get on drugs hmm?” He knows these things bother me so why does he joke?

2.) We fight. More than anyone I have EVER dated. I’ve been with him only two months and we fight almost every day. I guess the fights aren’t too bad. We don’t really yell at each other just speak out on how we feel. But they usually end in him hugging me and me crying.

3.) He tends to bite his tongue. He says he doesn’t want to make me angry but he doesn’t want to open up to me and if he does it’s not that often. I’ve been working on having him open up a little bit more, because fake happiness that he shows irritates me very much.

Now also keep in mind he technically lives with me…he sleeps at my house and eats there, his stuff is there but on occasion he stays at his brother.

Is it normal for all this to happen? For him and I to fight a lot (almost daily), and for him to irritate me so much? I feel like I need to have faith and trust in him…but it bothers me that he jokes so much about the things that I hate…then he goes to his brothers and I don’t hear from him for another 24 hours.

Category: Tags: asked December 10, 2014

4 Answers

There's nothing wrong with an argument every now and then. You can't always perfectly agree on things. Just sit down and have a decent talk when there's something you disagree on. Always try to meet the other person halfway, put some water to the wine. You can have a talk with him and tell him that you really dislike it when he jokes about smoking and drugs, because you worry about his health. It's normal to have 'fights' as long as there's no shouting and no physical violence.
to be honest it sounds normal, because you aren't used to having an 24/7 in person relationships means theres always going to be more fights, don't be discouraged it's something to get use to and soon enough, once you understand each other you will fight less. The main goal is to make sure he isn't the only one sacrificing things, you have to too as well. best of luck
sounds really close to my relationship :) and Im really happy. I find it completely normal. It's ok to fight, as long as you are expressing yourself. it is when it gets to fighting just to fight that it becomes a problem. aside from that smoking is a strong habit and he started so young, he might still be a little grumpy because that's what he has known for most of his life. old habits die hard. i feel like this is totally normal. the thing is though its best to take things slow and figure each other out gradually.
Alright, thanks both of you, this helps me a lot.