Since my father passed away when I was… Younger [Like, when I was ten or something]… My mother has been very easily angered and hurt.
That probably doesn’t make much sense, but I don’t how else to put it unless I give examples, which I will.
1st example: My mother gets angry whenever I offer my opinion about anything. I will say I don’t believe in god and she will get pissed off and saying that ‘Then what? Do you believe your father just died and turned into worm food? Is that all you believe, ******(My name isn’t important).’
2nd example: Or when I say “There is more than one gender. There is two sexes, male and female and you are born with your sex… But your gender is what you REALLY are.’ She just laughs or finds it ridiculous. [My grandmother and my brothers think I am off my rocker, but that is besides the point.
3rd example: Or, I said 'Parents shouldn't have the right to shape the whole life of a child. My friend shouldn't have to be forced to stay in AP courses she doesn't want and isn't ready for... And she shouldn't have to be forced to stay in Florida for college!' My mom will just scream and yell about how the child is an object and the parent can do what they please with them as long as it's within the law.
4th example: Just today I told her I wanted to go to Homecoming in a suit with a tie, a vest, the jacket, and all that and my mom told me I am a young lady and I have to act like one! I all ready implied to her and discussed with her that I don't feel like a lady and that I feel more comfortable in guys clothes because they don't accent my bust, my curves, or my hips and she ignored me!
5th example: Or, when I said I was asexual and aromantic (I'm pansexual or something I think... I don't know, but my mom wouldn't accept it.) and she said 'It's just a phase- You'll grow up and find a nice boy. You'll grow old and have kids and blah blah blah' SHE DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME. She thought I was confused because my friends in middle school were BI!
... Okay, that sounds like teen angst but there is so much more I can't explain.
6th example: There is the time where she threatened to take me to the adoption center because I told her I was depressed and I need help and I can't do this on my own and I especially didn't need her to help me since all she does is say 'Depression is all in your head, get over it. Force yourself to care and do everything you used to do.'
7th example: No matter what I do, when she is mad she calls me a princess, ungrateful, childish, and I end up taking care of my sister when my mother has to deal with my violent drunken brothers or when my grandmother threatens to beat us or takes a knife on us. And I end up taking care of my dogs on my own, walking, bathing, ... Not feeding, but cuddling and playing and refilling the water and dry food bowl. And I do everything without being asked twice and she still thinks I am treated like royalty and never get my hands dirty.
8th example: When I told her I couldn't breathe and I was wheezing, my lungs burning as well as my throat because of perfume and sprays she says it is just allergies but it mimics asthma so much!
9th example: And to add up on top of that, she has made me unemotional on the outside. My face either angry or sad and she YELLS at me when I "don't show remorse for bad behavior." And sometimes I don't even know what I did wrong but it's making me think everything I do is wrong!
I know this sounds like teen angst or something or someone going to say 'Well did you ever think about what you did?' But it's not, I'm not over-exaggerating. And I have thought about what I did, but sometimes I am not wrong. I know I shouldn't talk back [Though some people call it defending myself], and I shouldn’t go against what she does but she doesn’t care when i do something and she just overrides it and does whatever she wants… LIKE ABUSING POWER.
I don’t feel comfortable, I am always confused, and hurt, and I terrified of being in a house hold that is constantly filled with crazy screaming and yelling. It feels like I am in a building with strangers. God this house makes me feel like I am always wrong, I am always bothering everyone, and I’m needy and dependent. I am so self conscious, self loathing, and hurt because of this house and my friends [Beside the point.] Help
