Is there such a thing as “not trans enough”??


ALRIGHT so I identify as non-binary, have since early 2014, but ever since a young age, I’ve always been a tomboy and have always had a desire to actually be a guy. In fact, while I still identified as a girl, I would unfortunately get really uncomfortable seeing gay guys on TV because I would get so jealous :( It’s better now that I’m genderqueer, but the desire still remains.

My mom and dad both know that I identify as non-binary, which is good! Mom’s first concern was that I was confused and on the verge of suicide, but I was like, “nah man, I feel happier than I have in a long time.” So she was fine.

I told Dadbert that I was non-binary, and he asked me to explain it, but halfway through my explanation, he interrupted me to ask, “DO YOU LIKE GIRLS OR BOYS?” and I was like, “…boys?” and he said OK and then went to the garage for a cigarette.

Now, one of my friends brought it to my attention that you can get hormones without being 18 by going to some type of therapist, and then you’d be able to get them and I was like, “wow that’s so cool!” I’m pretty happy where I am now, but someday I think I would like to go the whole 9 yards and try testosterone~

When I told my mom I might want to try hormones some day, her first concern was that my boyfriend would find me detestable, but I told her he was bisexual so she was completely fine.

When I told my Dad, he said to me, “your body already makes hormones, you don’t need any more.” and I said, “yeaah, but they’re the wrong kind!!!” so he said, “wHaT, you wanna have facial hair and a big adam’s apple and a deep voice like a man????” and I was like “yeah actually that’d be great” and then we didn’t talk for a while after that.

We brought it up again a while later, and I told him about what my friend had told me, and he asked me “why do you want to be a man?” And I told him, “I just really like being masculine and that’s what I want for myself” and he responded with, “Yeah, some people can take hormones when they’ve felt like they’ve been in the wrong body from a very very very young age, but with you, you’re going to need a better reason than that. It just seems like a fashion trend these days to be like that (genderqueer or trans) so find a better answer to try and convince me.”

Okay I don’t agree with the whole “fashion accessory” thing, but is there such a thing as “not trans enough”??? I really believe what I feel is true :( I like the name Avery better than my birth name, Ashley, I wear binders, and I have a pixie cut. What can I say to my dad to convince him I’m serious???

Category: Tags: asked August 14, 2014

4 Answers

Nothing. I think time is the solution to this problem. If he thinks it's a faze you're going through, then time will show him you're serious. The answer to your other question "is there such a thing as not trans enough?" The answer is 100% no no NO! Sexuality is very fluid! I have a friend in the LGBTQ community who identifies as queer. She binds some days and feels more comfortable identifying as a he, and others, she's in dresses and heels and a she all the way! That works too if you feel trans or more comfortable identifying as a he, even if it's just by name for now, you will always be what YOU identify yourself as! I know you'll have support being you in any LGBTQ community you join (if you decide to). You may find some excellent support there! Theres also a group on this site dedicated to the LGBTQ community. Be comfortable being you and don't try to please anyone else. I know you want acceptance from your parents, and your mom is well on her way, and I think your dad will come around eventually! Don't rush it, and don't force him to accept it. All the best etc.
There is NO such thing as 'not trans enough'. You should explain to him that gender presentation and gender identity are two different things - you do not have to identify as male to want to present as male, and vice versa. I would also suggest you introduce him to the term 'transmasculine nonbinary'. There are LOADS of non-binary DFAB people who transition to present in a masculine fashion while maintaining their nonbinary gender identity. This is valid and you have every right to do it. Regardless, you have every right to do what you want with your own body - if you would feel better appearing more masculine, that is YOUR decision and taking testosterone is perfectly fine. HRT and top/bottom surgeries are NOT just for people going directly from one binary gender to the other. You do not have to want to be a man to want to take T or have SRS. I hope your dad can get this through his head!! Good luck!
no, there's not a such thing as not trans enough, well I hope not. tell your dad that if he really loves you and wants you to be happy then he should let you proceed in your gender swapping journey. let him know that I highly support you on it! that it's not just a fashion trend. your okay with it, your boyfriends okay with it, your friend's okay with it and he should be too. tell him that even though you want to go through with this, that you'll still be his little girl. your parents should be your #1 supporters for your happiness. I like the name avery too btw cx
No, no such thing. My ex is a trans/genderqueer/butchdykeboy and he wasn't on T and didn't have chest surgery - he wore binders. He didn't pass as a boy or a girl really but presented very masculine and strangers mis-pronouned him all the time but the ones who love him are the ones that matter. You do whatever you want to do! Genderqueer, boy, girl, boygirl, transman - do it all if you want! I identified as genderqueer for a while but when I realised that I strongly identified with Femme I felt such freedom and empowerment and haters hated but whatever, I love myself! Do you have a queer community where you live? I've heard that some medical professionals do want you to tick all the MAN boxes for access to T, like there is a checklist that proves you're a 'real man' gross. Where I live there a couple of queer doctors surgeries that are really good with trans stuff. Have you researched queer friendly medical pro's in your area? Parents might come around and might not. They have known you as a certain gender for all of your life so they may never see you as the gender that you really are but try not to let that get you down. They come from a different generation and a different world to us. If you'd like to chat sometime let me know.