This might sound slightly depressing and pathetic but here I go anyway. Basically I am incredibly lonely and have been for years now, granted I’m only 17 but I haven’t had a real friend in over 5 years. I classify a real friend to be someone who spontaneously texts/facetimes you and actually enjoys your company and wants to be with you, not the people you hang around in college with. My last friend distanced himself from me because we went to a new school and he realised that me not liking sports and stuff made me weird, he didn’t care when before school but either way he didn’t want to have a ‘weird’ friend so that was the end of it (I was like 12 here)
I do have college friends, but non of them have ever texted me out of college let alone invited me anywhere. The trouble I have is I don’t like going out, I don’t enjoy ‘partying’. Don’t get me wrong, if I’m at a “real” friends house or they’re all at mine, I’d happily get drunk and have a good time with them, but the whole “omg my friend Katy’s cousin has this friend who is having a party and she said I could come, you’ll be allowed as well c’mon it’ll be fun” like that scenario full on makes my heard pound and gives me shortness of breath I hate the thought of it
I basically want a friend who enjoys staying in and spending their free time binge watching tv series/movies and going out in the day and not just night. It’s because of this that I’ve never been in a relationship (well that and the fact I’m not 100% comfortable with my sexuality and I’m so far back in the closet I’m the new prince of Narnia) *and I make shitty jokes* hahaha
Everyone that I have known finds it weird that I enjoy watching tv series as opposed to going out and getting wrecked every weekend, I don’t enjoy that sort of thing and I hate that about myself because I want to meet friends and possibly get into a relationship but I don’t want to have to do things I don’t enjoy to maintain said friendships
I literally sit on my bed at night scrolling through my Facebook feed and see everyone posting selfies and shit of their nights out or even just if they’re hanging out and it makes my heart sink because going this long with no one to talk to has made me incredibly lonely as you can probably imagine
There is also the fact I am a MASSIVE over thinker and have great insecurities that mean that even if I got a friend who say enjoyed both staying in and going out, I’d be constantly paranoid that when they’re out I’d be known as “that weird friend” to their other friends if you know what I mean? I can never let someone in because I can’t ever believe that I am capable of having a friend, you could say that I have trust issues or something idk if I’d agree but I’m starting to
I’m sorry if you’re reading this and you’re going through something a lot more serious, I know what I’m going through is nothing really I just wanted to know if there is anyone out there who is anything similar to me?