It would mean a lot if someone could be bothered reading all of this and giving me at least some advice. Actually such a serious issue and I think it’s ruining my life.
So I’m a 19 year old Asian female, who has the most strict, traditional and over protective parents ever. I know it doesn’t seem like too much of a bad thing, but believe me, it is. It’s affecting my social life, It also doesn’t help with overcoming my social anxiety problem, and I think I’m getting depression.
The problem is that, my parents are more over protective rather then strict, but the level of it is just crazy.
So this year I started university after graduating from high school last year, drifted away from pretty much all the friends I ever had, and am just concentrating on studies now. Ever since I first started going out to parties and stuff in high school, my curfew would be 9, 10pm latest.. and surprisingly, it still is. I can’t even drive to parties on my own. They also refuse to let anyone else pick or drop me. Dad HAS to drop me off and pick me up.. 10pm on the dot. It started getting pretty embarrassing, especially at this age.. so I stopped going to parties. Now Im at uni, first semester passed, and not once did I ask my parents to go out anywhere, I was always focused on my studies, studying from 6pm – 2am every night, only focusing on the semester break and the amount of freedom I’d get after exams. I thought my parents would understand, I thought they’d realize how hard I’ve been working and I thought they would let me go out freely. But no.. I went out just one day, leaving home at 10am and arrived home at 6pm.. and they kept going on about how long I’d been out for. 6pm… I don’t think that’s merely a reasonable curfew for a 19 year old :/ Yeah, I understand it gets darker earlier during winter, but I would come home from university about 8,9pm everyday & they would be slightly okay with that. So now I’ve gone out like 3 times, & they say “you go out too much, you can’t go out anymore” .. wow I feel like crying lol. Firstly, I always come home within curfew hours, secondly why don’t they understand how long I’ve waited for a break.. I had so much stress on my mind when the semester was on. They expect me to go out for 2-3 hours max, and like stay at one place.. so if I tell them I’m going to the mall, or to dinner, i gotta go and come back within like 3 hours. It’s also pretty stupid because I always have to say I’m going somewhere specific like “movies” or “mall”, they don’t really let me just ‘hang out’ with my friends, at their house, or drive around. Since all this has happened I’ve been really down. I barely have friends this year, & I told mum I’d be meeting up with all of them after semester ends, but I still haven’t been able to see my best friends. I feel pretty crap too, I see everyone else going out, enjoying, and my parents still treat me like a damn baby.. I can’t even go to uni party events, oh my god.. i can’t even go to town alone at night, not even with friends.. parents are so scared that its a bad place.. even though i go university there… And they keep bringing culture up. They use the same excuse “people with values and traditions don’t go out”.. I just want to face palm myself because it feels like people with values don’t have fun either. I mean, even if i did go out, I wouldn’t drink or do anything stupid. I just want to have a good time with friends, and have a social life outside of uni. I don’t know how I can make them understand that I’m growing up, and that things have changed in this generation. They want everything to be so traditional and stuff, I respect that.. but I really would love to enjoy my life as I see other people doing it. Right now it just feels like I’m living, but I’m not really alive. I don’t even have any friends this year, was too busy to meet them at university, and now I can’t meet them during breaks because of parents. I have no social life whatsoever. And thinking about everything is making me so emotionally depressed. I’ve tried talking to them about how terrible i feel, and how bad their rules are affecting my life, but they don’t understand.. I don’t think they ever will.
A few years back I tried talking to mom about my depression problem, and she got upset and shes like “how can you have depression, we give you everything, you’re just selfish,” she kind of made a mockery out of the disorder, as if no such thing could ever happen to me.. but she had no idea how bad I’d been feeling for the past few years. My parents don’t have a social life either, they NEVER go out, not even to dinner. So you can see why I have to deal with this. My sister was living with us until she was 25.. and moved out bc of “work reasons” but she was still treated like a baby too.. had an 11oclock curfew… honestly… i don’t even think I ever saw her go out once. She was lucky enough to be able to move out, but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen with me. Moving out is not an option for me, my parents will never let me. & I just don’t think I can deal with it anymore? I’ve always been a respectable child, respected my parents opinions, values and traditions, but If they don’t ease up on me a little then I just feel like rebelling now.. I’m sick of it. I work so hard to be a perfect child, I study hard and get good marks, do all the housework, and listen to everything my parents have to say, yet they cannot let me live my life as I want to. It’s affecting my relationship too. Now I just feel like telling everyone I can’t go out because I have to stay home everyday. And I get so mad when people ask me to hang out. I get so annoyed I just want people to leave me alone. Sometimes everything adds up so much to the point where I just can’t handle it, and I just want to do something bad. So is there any way I can get my parents to give me a little freedom? Or am I stuck living in this depressing way of live until my parents force me an arranged marriage and send me off, lol. Or I dont know, maybe I am selfish for thinking about myself too much… am I? :/