Is it wrong if I prefer being alone?


Ok, I’ll explain better, because I’m sure you guys will start saying “Of course not, just do what you want.”. And you’ll be right if you say so.

The point is, that I’m already in my first year of college, and even though I did change becoming a little more open towards people, I remained shy and quite (really shy). I was lucky in high school because I met wonderful people with who I would always hang out, they were funny, and they accepted me even if we were really different (I made here probably one of the best friend I’ve ever had). So, with all of my enthusiasm, I hoped to meet people like them in college. But I was wrong.

Indeed, the first days of college I met lots of people, two from my courses, and other people of other courses. But I didn’t felt that emotion that I would feel with my ex-classmates. Yeah, I know, I shouldn’t be picky if I just want to hang out with someone, but I’m a person who choose her own friends, I would hate to hang out with people just for the companionship. Even though, I started hanging out with these two girls. I thought we became sort of friends, but then a group of people popped out, and they entered this group right away. At first, I was hanging out with all of them, but soon I stopped, and prefered to be on my own. I didn’t like that group, I wasn’t feelling at ease with them, and instead of running after them just to be with someone, I started to go study or eating all alone.

I don’t mind being alone, I’m a reserved person, and it’s not the first time that I stay by myself, but I feel disappointed. I thought that I would make friends in a blink of an eye, but now everyone made their own groups, so it’s a bit embarassing for me to pop out in a group, I’m sure I would feel left out just like before. One of the two girls I met doesn’t talk to me anymore, and because they fought with the other girl, the group ignore me like I’m their enemy because she returned to me (and even though I don’t like her behaviour because she left me for them, and now that she’s alone she run to me like I’m her savior, I don’t want to let her be alone). But instead of bear all of this crap I would be alone my myself. Is it this wrong? I wanted to have friends, to hang out with them, but because I didn’t get the chance to talk to everyone at the beginning, not only I can’t pop out in a random group because of my shyness (although, I really hate groups) but I’m stuck with the girl who would only talk about her previous group, and I’ve had enaugh of these people who doesn’t treat friendship as they should. And I really care about friendship.

What do you think?
Thanks for reading everything, I know that the answer should be easy, but I need opinions, and vent out all of this make me feel better.

Category: Tags: asked November 16, 2014

5 Answers

You make lasting relationships in high school. High school students spends years with the same people as their hormones change and they begin to develop as human beings. It's not uncommon for a new college freshman to feel out of place since they lost the people they are close to. Now, if you feel that you are shy and that the people around you are not the right kind of people I suggest this, find people who have the same college major as you do. People who have similar interests are soooo much easier to relate to. When i first wanted to be an author I spent every second I could with people like me, exchanging ideas and just building relationships. Whatever you're interested in, find people who enjoy that too. Now since you are a shy person let me give you some advice. If you're comfortable where you are in life, you aren't really living. Life is about making rash, fast choices that result in you getting into so stick situations. I'm not saying go out and rob a liquor store or rip off some people at gambling. What i'm saying is the next time you're with a large group of people, find the most interesting seeming guy/girl around and go say hi. Yes you won't instantly become best friends but that is the start that you need to build a friendship, not sitting around in your dorm room feeling sorry for yourself. Make some friends, but don't expect them to instantly be the friends you miss so much
Really (at least at my uni/college) the groups started to dissolve after all the people who didn't make it were cut in the first year. It's not strange that you prefer to be alone, it seems to me like you may be subconsciously being alone to avoid drama, which is commendable.Also I know that this probably isn't the most ideal solution but you don't have to go out to parties to get friends; if you just have a hobby like sports or paint-balling or something like that, where you actually go and are forced into communicating with people. I find that being part of a team or having something other then work to focus on helps with stress as well. I would recommend you find something you would like to do and maybe have a talent or past experience with and just get good at that thing, preferably a social based thing though.
I had to check who wrote this becouse it could've easily been me. I get where you're coming from I'm in the same situation. I don't know what to tell you to do, but if you want to talk, we can figure out together what's best.
Thanks for your answers. Indeed, as someone said, I'm still stuck with my ex-classmates, and I know that here it will be different, especially because each semester we will follow different courses, so, I'll meet different people. I know it's wrong to compare them with the people around me, and this is even why I hope I'll meet people from other courses, because it's hard to get along with my course companions, I don't see them as interesting people, all they talk are the same thing (yeah, I think they're boring).I feel like I'm the only one who's different because I'm the only one that comes from a different high school, but, even if I put this situation like this, I don't want to give up. The college is full of people to meet, I just hope that my shyness won't be such a problem. I have hobbies, but when I do them, I prefer to stay by myself, even though, I'll try to see if I can actually apply somewhere if there's something interesting. Thanks again for your help. :)
When I grew up my parents took me to loads of events, small and big "parties", family gatherings and such. My parents are both very social and have always enjoyed people. Me? I hated it ever since before I could remember. I would cry and beg to go home and no matter how many times my parents took me out I never "got used" to it.

Now I always gathered that I was just socially anxious or something, but the truth is that I have never had a reason to be so. I grew up around loads of people, good people. I've always had amazing, true friends and despite this I have always been introverted, prefering to stay home and do things by myself rather than go out and hang out or have people over.

My best friend is the most social, extroverted guy I know and he's the best friend I have for a reason. He's an amazing person. Even then, often times I feel like I'd rather just be alone than be with him. Instead of seeing this as a problem, I've kind of embraced it and accepted it as just who I am as a person because being alone gives me energy and makes me happy, while being around people can wear me down easily.