Is it unreasonable to keep my maiden name as a second name?


I have agreed to take my fiance’s surname, but would like to make my current surname my second name. So assuming I am Mary Kate and my fiance is John Smith, my married name would be Mary Kate Smith. No hyphen or double barrel, but purely as a second name. My reason for this is because I have achieved a lot professionally and my fiance’s surname is very common. If a potential employer were to Google my new name they would not find any of my achievements.

My fiance thinks that this is totally unreasonable and expects me to drop my maiden name completely and adopt his surname. He believes this makes it seem like I am holding on to my single status. What should I do in this situation?

Category: Tags: asked February 4, 2015

3 Answers

I do not think it's unreasonable at all. It is clear to me in your explanation you are not hanging on to it for "single status" reasons, but because it is a piece of your identity, especially professionally. It is a part of you, a part that has obviously become established in the world, and just because you don't want to part with that doesn't mean you aren't willing to become a married person. Taking the man's name is old school, lots of women are keeping their own, hyphenating, making a combination, etc. They, just like you, aren't doing this to slight their spouse, but because they are proud of the person they are, and your surname helps identify you, as that person, to the rest of the world. Be strong, remind your partner how much you love him, and how he is to love all of you, and be proud that you have a last name that would garner positive results in a google search- that's something to be proud of!
It's completely your decision on whether or not you want to keep your surname, not his. I am going to definitely do the same thing you are doing when I get married someday, the reason being incase if I got divorced and we had children a part of my last name would still be the same as our kids if I switched back to my maiden name. You aren't the only one who's doing this; a lot of other women are doing this. I agree with Emily about reminding him that you love him, and that your choice has nothing to do with how much you love him.
I don't think it's unreasonable, but then again, my parents married in Quebec, so my mother still has her maiden name with no marital distinction at all. And it's quite common for women to do so there as well. If anything it would be unreasonable(at least in my culture) for a husband to be upset about such a thing.