My boyfriend and I have been together for ten years this november. He has never really trusted that I won’t cheat on him and every genuine thing I do, he finds to be a lie. Four years ago, a couple that is a friend of ours wanted to hang out a lot. My boyfriend got this idea that maybe we should swap for a night. His idea was that I would sleep with our male friend and it would be so bad that I would appreciate my boyfriend more. BUT he also would get to sleep with our friends girlfriend.
Things went wrong and after four years of me telling him no and that I didn’t think pushing me off to another man would work; only to finally give in because he seemed so DETERMINED to get it, he’s mad at me and now HE is hurt. But I feel like, I told him no, that I didn’t want it. That it was a bad idea. And now because he wanted to try something that backfired, he has taken away everything about myself that I used to be proud of. I used to be able to say I had only slept with one guy and that was my boyfriend, now I can’t even say that anymore. And what’s worse is that he’s always telling me that I cheated on him.
Should I move on? It’s been nine years and we have been through a lot together. But I feel more angry about the fact that I have to gain his forgiveness when he’s the one who wanted this in the first place. I’m tired now. I want to fight but I feel like I can’t. Should I just give up?