My boyfriend and I have been together for ten years this november. He has never really trusted that I won’t cheat on him and every genuine thing I do, he finds to be a lie. Four years ago, a couple that is a friend of ours wanted to hang out a lot. My boyfriend got this idea that maybe we should swap for a night. His idea was that I would sleep with our male friend and it would be so bad that I would appreciate my boyfriend more. BUT he also would get to sleep with our friends girlfriend.
Things went wrong and after four years of me telling him no and that I didn’t think pushing me off to another man would work; only to finally give in because he seemed so DETERMINED to get it, he’s mad at me and now HE is hurt. But I feel like, I told him no, that I didn’t want it. That it was a bad idea. And now because he wanted to try something that backfired, he has taken away everything about myself that I used to be proud of. I used to be able to say I had only slept with one guy and that was my boyfriend, now I can’t even say that anymore. And what’s worse is that he’s always telling me that I cheated on him.
Should I move on? It’s been nine years and we have been through a lot together. But I feel more angry about the fact that I have to gain his forgiveness when he’s the one who wanted this in the first place. I’m tired now. I want to fight but I feel like I can’t. Should I just give up?
I think you can only really ask yourself if you are in a legitimately healthy relationship. If you think you are, great. Work on the relationship, even the healthiest ones have problems. If you don't think you are, consider why not. Are they problems that can be fixed? Do you even want to take the time and effort to fix them?I think just by looking at that, you'll have your answer. It's not really up to anyone else, but break it down yourself and I'm sure you'll chose what's right for you.
Hey there! So at the beginning of your post, how you said your boyfriend has never really trusted you and always thought whatever you did, even genuinely, was a lie, this sounded like emotional abuse to me. And how he’s making you feel guilty about what he was determined to make you do only sounds more so. You can do way better than this guy, beautiful. You do not deserve to be treated the way you currently are. You have done nothing wrong and he’s guilty you into thinking you are. If it were up to me, I’d move on, however, it’s not up to me, it’s up to you. Only you can make this decision, and whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for you. Good luck! <3
He doesn't sound like a very good boyfriend
I know you've spent a lot of time with him and you guys have been through a lot, but being with someone for a very long time doesn't make them the right person for you. If you're no longer happy with him, then the relationship is not worth holding onto.
Girl, hell nah. After I read the first paragraph, I had the answer you need. It's time to move ON. He's too much. It's unfortunate that he's done and made you feel that way. What I really don't understand is that he doesn't trust you yet wanted to swap partners with a friend of y'alls? That makes no sense. If I was a dude and I didn't trust you, why in the WORLD would I want you to sleep with our MALE friend? Where is the logic in that? This shouldn't have went on as long as it did. A relationship that consists of one person not trusting the other is just a disaster waiting to happen. They just never work out. A relationship is two people who love and trust on another. How can a relationship survive without trust? If he's at the point of pushing you into another man's arm, that's another indication that it's time to let this dude go. He's an asshole. I'm sorry that he made you feel that way about yourself. Don't make him do that. You're an amazing person who can find someone better who actually trusts you. I hate to see couples who've been together for years on top of years to break up for a unhealthy relationship just isn't good. You shouldn't have to beg for his forgiveness, who does he think he is? God? Nah. He was the one who brought this on his self. It's time to throw in the towel. I hope and pray you find someone who treats you like the Queen that you are.
Hmm, he sounds quite emotionally abusive. If you think you can handle is from him, as you have been the past years, then good for you, carry on the relationship if you want to. However, if you're tired of this, and you're even considering leaving because of the hurt, then go for it. The fact that he has even changed the whole story into you cheating on him is absurd and sounds incredibly possessive. In my opinion, you should move on with your life and not be dragged down by him.
Paragraph breaks: Bold TextItalic TextLink I know that it's hard to admit, but ask yourself, can you see yourself together forever? Getting married, starting a family, can you? I mean if you can't, it's better now to break it off if you're feeling like you should, you don't need more emotional involvement clouding your perception on whether you still love him or not. Good luck with whatever you may do!
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