Is it selfish to want to become a better version of myself?


I’ve been talking to this guy for about 5 weeks now that I met online and we met for the first time a few weeks ago. We were supposed to go out to dinner but he texted me that afternoon saying that he forgot that it was his cousins bday and that they were really close, more like brothers than anything, so we ended up just going back to his house to watch a movie. I didn’t think anything about that until a few weeks ago when he cancelled on me yet again claiming he was exhausted (which I understood because of the weird hours he works), and it got me thinking if you are that close to somebody would you really forget their bday? I know I wouldn’t. So last friday he was supposed to pick me up at 11 in the morning and we were going to hang out all day. 11:15 rolled around and he just answered my text I sent an hour before that saying that he just woke up and that he forgot to set his alarm the night before. I texted him back saying that I understood and all that but then he never answered my text!! The weekend went by without a single text from him. He sounded so excited about our day together all week and then he forgets to set his alarm!? And that whole week we haven’t been talking as much as we usually do. I know I’m not going to text him back because I don’t want to be waiting around for a text I may not get but I don’t know what to do if he finally does text me (which I doubt he will). I promised myself that if it didn’t work out with this guy then I was going to quit this online dating stuff and let love find me, not go searching for it. Instead of focusing all of my energy on whether or not he is going to text me back I want to focus it on becoming a better version of myself. I feel like the reason I’ve never been asked out by a guy in real life that I liked is because I’m not confident enough. I never make eye contact with people and I so socially awkward, so I want to focus on becoming more confident, learning to love myself, and putting myself out there and I can’t do that if I am hiding behind a computer screen, you know?

Category: Tags: asked November 10, 2014

3 Answers

Consider working on yourself. It is not selfish at all. It is actually a fantastic thing to do. Consider evaluating your life. Become really happy with who you are and what you do and then wonder into the world of dating. You will be a lot more confident that way. Consider giving up on online dating. It typically doesnt work out as well as meeting someone in person. Find something you like and meet someone who likes the same thing. If you like reading join a book club in order to meet someone who likes books. If you like painting then consider taking an art class. This way you cant lose. You will either meet someone and learn new abilities or you will just learn something new and also improve yourself
It's really good to become more confident, but don't forget that if a boy really likes you, we doesn't care if you're socially awkward. And never do things you don't like to impress others. Good luck, I know you can do this!
Work on yourself because you have to love yourself before someone else can love you. There's a philosopher that said you have to know who you are and be secure in yourself in order to be able to share yourself with others. It's not selfish to want to improve your social skills.