Is it really OK to be upset about divorcing parents?

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I am an adult. My parents just signed their divorce papers on my 25th birthday. They had been married for 27 years. I just found out that my father became involved in some unsavory activities, and I really don’t want to be around him because of that.

I am married, live a few hours away from my mother and other sibling. I work, I don’t have kids. I have my own life and I do my own thing.

Should this divorce make me as upset as it does? I totally understand why my parents are getting divorced, and honestly, I wish my mother had done it sooner. (Really felt like my dad was holding her back emotionally, financially, etc. )

If my dad texts me or even walks in the same room as me, I have an anxiety attack so bad that I have to immediately take some of my anxiety meds that I was already on. I don’t want to cut him off completely, because he is one of my parents, but he really makes me uncomfortable.

My mom relies heavily on me to just listen to her. Anytime she can get me somewhere long enough, she completely unloads and I listen for hours upon hours. This has all left me feeling really depressed, and devastated.

I feel like every family vacation, or Christmas, or event was a lie. My dad wasnt around a lot, but now that I know what I know, things make a lot of sense and really upset me.

Should this bother me so much?? Even as an adult??? Shouldn’t I just be able to “get over it” ???

Category: Tags: asked March 7, 2014

3 Answers

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You're never too old to be upset about things, If your five, twenty five, or fifty five, you will still get upset when something like this happens, it is completely normal.The best thing to do is to just work through it, Life is like a tunnel, you can't always see the light at the end, but if you keep moving, then you will come to a better place one day. :)I am available to talk if you need it :)
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Of course it's normal to be so upset during a parents divorce, in fact I'd be worried if you weren't. Even if your dad did treat you or your mother badly, it's normal for a part of you to be happy that he's gone, yet another part be sad that it had to be that way. What you're feeling is not wrong, dear.
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I feel like sometimes we try to control our emotions because maybe if we are already letting our emotions control us, we think we can overcome that by attempting to forcefully change how we feel. But the truth is, however you are feeling right now is valid. You have reasons to feel everything that you do. However, it doesn’t matter why! Us humans like to give emotions a story. It’s okay just to be sad and mad and depressed and alone and empty and feeling rejected or happy or numb. No matter what, that is how you feel. Just know it is okay to FEEL. It is definitely okay to let other people feel whatever they need to. We don’t have to act out of our weakness. We don’t have to self-identify with those emotions. But maybe there is a dissonant/conflicting sensation sometimes when we feel certain things because those emotions arise out of parts of us that do not yet feel accepted, embraced, beautiful, or loved?It’s like THAT’S what makes being alive so amazing! We are able to experience the contrast between the times when we are conscious of love and we express it purposefully, and when we are sitting in pain and can somehow still embrace it. Your pain is not you. But it is just as beautiful as you and everyone else in this orchestra of life. Why not love it too?