Is it okay to be selectively social?


I tend to wonder why I automatically become silent around certain people or situations and I can’t bring myself to talk even when I try to force myself to talk, nothing comes out. In other situations and other people, I’m loud and eccentric and basically a little ball of crazy sunshine. I do want to create more friendships, but some of the people that I do want to try to be friends with, I don’t say a word and I don’t even look them in the eyes. I’m just deadly silent.

Is this normal? How can I break this habit?

Category: Tags: asked July 23, 2014

5 Answers

I am a very out going person... and I can talk your ear off but in large groups I am pretty silent. With so many people already talking I don't compete for air time... I'm just fine to sit back and watch. I also really do not like to cut people off or be cut off.

It isn't a matter of what is normal or what is not... be comfortable with you the way you are. As the saying goes "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."
What's you're experiencing is called "selective mutism".
i think its an internal feeling we get when we are around a person who we dont seem to talk alot to.....and with just others, u get a feeling "there funny, maybe cool"'s just a feeling i think u feel.
You're probably ashamed on that person because you fell that they'll judge you based on your flaws. I've experienced this and frankly, one way to break the ice is find a common ground on both of your interests.
Being selectively social is completely fine. People often confuse being selectively social with anti-social, which aren't the same thing. Choosing to hang out around people you like is totally okay. Choosing to surround yourself with people you feel comfortable around is totally okay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being selectively social. But if you WANT to break through your silence around others, it's always a lot easier said than done.
As for making new friends and meeting new people, it will be a bit hard getting started. But what you can try to do is first find one or two people who you're friendly acquaintances with, maybe people who are in your class/classes. Try to smile at them if you pass them by in the hallways. Try to open doors for them. Once you feel like, hey, I can do this, ask them simple things about maybe homework or if you're feeling extra courageous, ask them something about a show or movie you both watch. Finding common topics or interests is an important first step. From there on, you'll have more things to talk about and the more you talk, the more you'll know about these new people.
I had some trouble making new friends when I moved and it was hard for the first two years but then someone told me a quote; "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
I wish you all the best with breaking out of your shell, meeting new people, making new friends and being happy with who you are! Good luck friend!