is it normal

I can understand why you want to reach out to him. You're probably filled with questions why he did what he did. Maybe you simply want closure. You want to talk with him one last time so that you can close that chapter down. If you're going to reach out to him, please be careful. I hope you're not reaching out to him to get back together with him. If you would go to talk with him, don't go alone. Make sure someone else is there with you. A confrontation like this won't always give you the answers you might hoping to get. He could respond very rude and not even give you answers. There's something very wrong with this man and he's not good for you. I know how hard it is to put the past behind you. It takes steps. Be careful. Don't give him an opportunity to hurt you again. Even if you reach out, it's not sure you'd get the answers you're hoping to get. I hope that within time you can ease your mind and get some closure somehow.

I think there is a similar to Stockholm Syndrome. Where kidnapped person misses the kidnapper.But I don't think you should see him now. Hope you are doing better now and seeking help from a therapist.

You're not sick nor crazy,He is ! please don't reach out to him , you shou;dn't trust someone who didn't have any respect for you . first time should be something beautiful for you and he took that away so if you reach out for him who knows what will he do to you , and threatening to have sex with another girl to get you to have sex with him isn't something a decent guy who loves you would do , so try to get your mind off him , date someone , go out with friends . i really wish you best of luck.

I wouldn't say there is something wrong with you, you probably see it as a way to get closure, or hope to get some inner reward from it. But the problem is that if things don't go they way you hope they go, it will affect you. So I think you should run it by your therapist, if you are seeing one, and discuss it fully with them until you are sure you can take it. Or go see one and talk about it, as it would be good to have your full support network ready to deal with whatever might happen.
From what I understand you had six years to contact this person in prison, if you waited until now, you can wait until you are sure.

I think its normal that u reach out to him. Maybe after it you would be able to overcome your self harm and anger problems. But be careful and try to go with someone you can trust or who can protect you. After you see him again, maybe everything will get better and you will have those same problems you had before

That is not weird at all. Is it a safe thing to do. Well, of course not. But, you were young and by law he should be in jail for it. However, it is not weird to muster feelings for this person. Not saying they are good or bad. But you want to hear from them. Maybe you're hoping for an apology or for some sort of closure. If you really feel compelled to talk to this person you can do it from a safe distance. Email them or give them a letter ( NO RETURN ADDRESS for your safety) and just get out any feelings you have toward this person. You may or may not get a response but you may get closure at the very least. Someone else mentioned closure above me and I totally agree.

I know I probably shouldnt see him but I know he is here my self harm problems and anger come from, no therapist has helped that. I feel like I cant get any closure without reaching out. I feel sick in the head for wanting to speak to him.

Thank you guys, it's something that I don't feel comfortable with asking my mother cause I know her reaction already. Iit gives me a lot to think about and you're all right. I just want closure from a guy who took my youth and innocence and compassion and kept it for six long years

It's not normal but maybe you just need the closure. I just don't want this to turn bad for you. I was raped when I was younger and I don't ever want to see that person ever again. Buy hopefully this turns out how you think that it will.

its not rape if you like it