Is it him or is it me?


My boyfriend stuggles with mild depression. I talked to him about our relationship and how he seems disconnected (ex: not being interested in spending time with me, on the computer instead while I’m left alone at his house) and even like he puts me down sometimes (ex: telling me forcefully to stop while I was singing upstairs). He said he didn’t realize it and that I should let him know whenever these problems arise so he can fix it.
My first point is that in order for the relationship to be genuine, he should just simply want to spend time with me and therefore be interested in me. I shouldnt have to make requests to spend time together. I understand that he “needs his alone time” (he described it as an hour or so) but it’s an all day event.
My second point is that after this discussion, I made a request to watch a movie together and he agreed. The second time I made a request (a day later) was to cuddle after we had sex and he obliged for a minute and then went back downstairs. He literally only came upstairs to have sex with me.
So my third point is he seems to not be interested in showing affection in general. Every time I ask him for more kisses he is visibly annoyed by it. And this is after just a peck. He only makes out for like a minute at most. And it makes me wonder if his disinterest in showing affection correlates with his disinterest in me. I don’t feel like I’m in a relationship, I feel like I’m his fuck buddy and we fuck on his terms. And even though I told him if I get on his nerves he shouldnt have to put up with me, he just told me that he really does like me. And yet I still feel like Im just here for his needs and not because he genuinely likes me as a person. Another example is that this morning he left without saying goodbye let alone giving me a goodbye kiss.
So what’s the issue here? Is he just using me for company or is he just depressed? And what’s your advice on what I should do? Thanks.

Category: Tags: asked November 17, 2014

1 Answer

There are two types of guys generally. Guys that can talk about feelings and guys that can't. he is one of those guys that can't, more so i don't think he can understand emotions and so things that require him to feel... and feel enough to show affection are almost impossible. There's nothing wrong with either of you, but you both would have to make a compromise. You would have to learn to understand that he can;t feel the way that you do and therefore doesn't understand that you need time with him, and he would have to learn to spend time and try to opening up to you. I can help you talk through all these things, shoot me a message if you want more information. Just remember there is nothing wrong with you, you just need to learn to work together