So basically my whole life I have been kinda introverted, even around my family. Family gatherings are so boring for me….most of my childhood I kept to myself and just sat and played video games. I love my family and I know they love me……but I have never felt particularly close to them in a social manner. Our viewpoints differ in many ways, as do our life styles, choices, and interests. I try to become interested in what they might be talking about, but I am just NOT, I almost feel isolated socially. I know it is my own fault, though, but I want to feel closer to them socially. Again, they are loving and caring and have always cared for me and included me, but I feel so introverted and socially distant from them. I don’t know what to do. I am so used to just sitting down at family gatherings and just playing video games until it is time to eat or something because I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to engage them in a meaningful way, and I just feel so awkward even though I know we could be a lot closer.
Not only that, but if i DO try to engage, the subject of my dad, who my mom’s family hates, comes up…and I just get so uncomfortable because I love my dad and I can’t stand it when they talk bad about him…and I can’t stand listening to it either. I have never been one stand up for what I believe in with them because they intimidate me.
There is a family gathering tomorrow and I want to have a good time…but I feel like I will just default to playing video games again because it is my escape so I don’t have to engage them if I don’t want to….any ideas?