In love with someone older…


Hey everyone, yesterday I was at a bar and the guy serving the drinks was being really playfull and stuff like that and I thought it was funny and kinda cute. After his work he left and I thought he’d never come back but he did and he placed himself next to me. He was being really nice and kind too and then he gave me this rose and placed his hand on my leg and I didn’t mind he also layed his arms around my waist and he was just so adorable… BUT… he’s 22 and I’m 16 and I don’t know if that’s safe although I’ve always had older guys but not that old, you know there’s 6 years of age difference and I think my father will dislike it, not my tho she just wants me to be happy but I wanna meet him again but I don’t know if that’s a good idea… please help!!

Category: Tags: asked July 5, 2014

8 Answers

A forty-something dating a thirty-year-old is nobody's business. A twenty-something feeling up a 16-year-old is just irresponsible.

In the interest of your safety, keep your distance until such a time as you can further trust his intentions, he may just be attracted to you in specific, but the almost secretive way he touched you in public smacks of risk-taking mentality.

Yes, you are probably old enough in your region to consent to sex, but it is far safer to keep him at a physical distance while you learn more about him. If he starts to "rush" things by talking very early on about things like being alone or going on a vacation or moving in with him, then you need to burn that bridge with a vengeance, because those are signs of an abuser.

Find anybody else he knows, preferably another female, and ask them about him. Keep yourself safe, first and foremost!

Here is a link to vital information about recognizing, preventing, surviving, and escaping abusive relationships. Please read it.
I recommend you trying to get to know the guy first. A single night means nothing, if in reality he is completely different from what you imagine. I'm not really worried about the age, your father will definitely be suspicious but it's possible that he will like the guy after he gets to know him more and trust him. But now, you need to concentrate in figuring out if you really are sure about his intentions.
When I was I was 17 I dated a 22 year old for about 6 months. He was definitely too old for me and he was verbally abusive usually with the reason being he was "more experienced" or "smarter because he was older." I would say it really depends on your maturity level. I 100% get a little disgusted when I hear about guys that are my peers going after girls so young because usually they're after them because girls your age are more vulnerable, less experienced and you are eager to trust them sooner. It depends on how mature you are as a 16 year old girl and how respectful he is of you as a 22-year-old man. Grabbing your leg without your consent (kind of a dominance thing) is not respectful. My boyfriend is 14 years older than I am (I'm 25; he's 39) and I prefer older guys. I think it's safe to wait for this type of thing and go for guys your own age even if the 22-year-old seems flattering-that's what got me hooked on my 22-year-old back in the day. Just be careful.
When I was 18 I had a thing with someone who was 15 years older than me. It was fun but it was never going to work out because I have changed a lot since then, and we were at different stages of life. Looking back, I was more immature than I felt at the time. And you at age 16 are not fullly developed yet, you will change a lot emotionally, physically, in all ways, and look back on this situation and think you were so not ready for someone so much older. It's better to be with someone closer to your age, it has more of a chance of lasting, maybe a guy who's 18 or even 20. Of course, dating older guys is fun and you learn a lot, but a 22 year old shouldn't have eyes for someone who's barely legal, he should be looking for an older woman, he is probably not a good guy anyway.
The fact that you titled this "in love with someone older" after meeting the guy once for a few hours yesterday, tells the answer itself. While 6 yrs is not a big gap in the grand scheme of things (there's 16 between my husband and I), 6 years when someone is 16 and the other person is over 21 really *is* a big deal. A 22 year old is on a different plane (or at least they should be) than a 16 year old in a big way; I would look hard at a 22 year old if they tried to date my daughters when they're 16 - I would wonder why he can't be with women out of high school.
That being said, if you're going to try it out, I would proceed with extreme caution and be very careful to (and I can't say this loudly enough for you) NOT lie to your parents about this. If the guy actually cares about you, he'll be patient and take things as slowly and respectfully as he needs to.
Lots of luck!
Hey...age is just a number. Also, Jail is just a room.
First of all I'd like to thank you for the help but I don't wanna be him just for the sex, I really like him and I might be 16 from age but my paste made me mentally older so if I had my mental age I'd probable be 18-20 years old tho that's also the reason why I find older guys more attractive cuz I am mentally older myself and I wasn't planning on lying to my parents but my dad treats my like a 12 year old who just has her first boyfriend and that annoys me.
okay to make things clear he first tried to test how far that he could go with me so he would first rush over my leg short and fast and see what my reaction was and he also asked me about it so he's not just doing it and not caring about it and I hear alot about people saying I should date someone of my own age but I can't I just like older guys more cuz it's just me you know I don't like guys that are 16 years old, I'm also going to see him again and he also made clear that I should tell him when he's going too far