In love with my room-mate and no idea what to do…


About a month ago, I started my college experience for the first time. I got my dorm assignment and went to check out my new room. When I opened the door, I noticed that my room-mate looked like a boy. After a couple days of getting to know my room-mate, (I’ll call him N), I learned that he is a female-to-male transgender which explained why he looked like a boy. He is also pre-op which is why he is roomed with me, a girl.

So, anyway, we started hanging out pretty much from the start and our friendship has gotten tighter and closer. We talk to each other everyday and do things together everyday. He and I have also started opening up to one another more deeply and talking about more personal issues.

By the way, N is a really good looking guy. I get approached a lot by girls who tell me they have crushes on him. He has great hair and amazing fashion sense. He is also very nice to anyone who crosses his path and is also nice to him. I was also very attracted to him from the start, but since then, my feelings have gotten deeper.

Despite being 6 years younger than me, N is very mature. He is a fantastic listener and good at keeping secrets. I have found myself spilling my guts to him. He is very non-judgmental as well, so I am much more comfortable around him than anyone else.

One day, while listening to him tell me a story from his past, I realized that I was feeling something strangely familiar. Later that night, I thought about what I was feeling and realized it was exactly the same as the one and only time I had ever fallen in love in my life. I am in love with my room-mate.

Well, after an extremely stressful night filled with lots of emotions and tears and yelling one day, the truth came out and N learned that I was in love with him. He took it amazingly well. He never offered hope of his and my ever being in a relationship, but tried to help me feel better by assuring me that I’ll probably fall out of love and one day meet someone special.

Problem is, I’m not so sure I want to fall out of love. Part of me does, but I really love this guy and I love loving him. He and I get along amazingly well. Also, it has only been a month. Sure, I fell in love within a month, but when I asked him, he told me he knew his ex-girlfriend for about six months before he knew he was in love with her.

Right now, I am going home for the weekend in order to clear my head, since I have seen and hung out with N every day from the second I met him.

So, what should I do? Should I wait and see if maybe he falls in love with me sometime down the road? If not, then what can I do to fall out of love with him? I mean, I live with the guy. We are extremely close friends.

I feel very confused about this situation…

Category: Tags: asked August 13, 2014

6 Answers

You try the honest approach. Confront him!
If you're attracted to someone, go after them, if not then don't. It's simple, it works, and you'll never be left wondering about what could have been.
The best thing to do is to take a step back. Relationship is a two way street. You know how you feel, but he may not be ready or looking for one right now. Go ahead and ask him. If he doesn't feel the same way then you can continue to be friend. If he does have feeling for you but doesn't want to be in a relationship respect that decision and continue being friends. You're welcome to ask. If I were you though I would wait because to be realistic you JUST MET this person. But don't forget why you're there in the first place. You're there to learn. Continue being yourself and be friends. Every great relationship is like dating your best friend. Be friends. If you want to go on dates then go on dates. Have fun. Enjoy yourselves. You really have two choices. Ask and see where the truth is or you can be friends and get to know each other more then after getting to know each other a bit more you can ask yourself again if you want to be with this person.
I think the best thing you could do at this point is just give yourself and N some time. You said you guys met a month ago, and while love can happen overnight, our brains sometimes trick us. Just give it some time, and get to know each other a little more before you see if he wants to take the next step.
Okay. The comment below me is off, usually trans people don't start becoming more and more like their biological sex. HOWEVER, I don't want to sound completely rude and horrible, but dating someone who is transitioning can come with a lot of baggage. This is NOT the case with every trans person. Some are very comfortable with themselves and are at a great place in their lives, everyone handles transitioning differently. But, you need to realize that he might not feel like he's in a position to give you what you want. He might feel like he just isn't capable physically, and that you might reject him once you got more intimate. Not only that, but you are both roommates and that makes things a lot more complicated. It's more of a comfortable feeling to open up to someone as a friend, you can talk to them and get straightforward advice, when you are with a friend who is also a roommate, there's some trust involved that certain lines won't be crossed. One of my best friends is trans, we are no longer best friends because he and my other best friend dated in secret and didn't tell me what was going on. It was his idea. He also refused to have full on sex with my friend because he hadn't fully transitioned, and he had some issues that he needed to work through without the complications of a relationship. They broke up and don't speak to one another anymore, and I don't speak to him either. I would recommend that you think about it, maybe confront him on how HE feels. But I wouldn't recommend pursuing a relationship, because if it doesn't work out then you're screwed because you are rooming with him, and you might even loose him as a friend. It can get very complicated, and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to deal with those complications and possible repercussions.
Don't even go there.... Just think about it, he was at somepoint a female, I have nothing against transgenders but what if years down the road he starts become more and more feminine.... Just saying I would worry about too much estrogen, my guy has always been a guy, but he is very feminine! I personally wouldn't go there. Plus you did mention that "He never offered hope of his and my ever being in a relationship, but tried to help me feel better by assuring me that I’ll probably fall out of love and one day meet someone special." Meaning he probably doesn't want a re;ationship right now!