About a month ago, I started my college experience for the first time. I got my dorm assignment and went to check out my new room. When I opened the door, I noticed that my room-mate looked like a boy. After a couple days of getting to know my room-mate, (I’ll call him N), I learned that he is a female-to-male transgender which explained why he looked like a boy. He is also pre-op which is why he is roomed with me, a girl.
So, anyway, we started hanging out pretty much from the start and our friendship has gotten tighter and closer. We talk to each other everyday and do things together everyday. He and I have also started opening up to one another more deeply and talking about more personal issues.
By the way, N is a really good looking guy. I get approached a lot by girls who tell me they have crushes on him. He has great hair and amazing fashion sense. He is also very nice to anyone who crosses his path and is also nice to him. I was also very attracted to him from the start, but since then, my feelings have gotten deeper.
Despite being 6 years younger than me, N is very mature. He is a fantastic listener and good at keeping secrets. I have found myself spilling my guts to him. He is very non-judgmental as well, so I am much more comfortable around him than anyone else.
One day, while listening to him tell me a story from his past, I realized that I was feeling something strangely familiar. Later that night, I thought about what I was feeling and realized it was exactly the same as the one and only time I had ever fallen in love in my life. I am in love with my room-mate.
Well, after an extremely stressful night filled with lots of emotions and tears and yelling one day, the truth came out and N learned that I was in love with him. He took it amazingly well. He never offered hope of his and my ever being in a relationship, but tried to help me feel better by assuring me that I’ll probably fall out of love and one day meet someone special.
Problem is, I’m not so sure I want to fall out of love. Part of me does, but I really love this guy and I love loving him. He and I get along amazingly well. Also, it has only been a month. Sure, I fell in love within a month, but when I asked him, he told me he knew his ex-girlfriend for about six months before he knew he was in love with her.
Right now, I am going home for the weekend in order to clear my head, since I have seen and hung out with N every day from the second I met him.
So, what should I do? Should I wait and see if maybe he falls in love with me sometime down the road? If not, then what can I do to fall out of love with him? I mean, I live with the guy. We are extremely close friends.
I feel very confused about this situation…