I’m so ashamed


My head is all over the place I can’t think straight?
I was seeing a guy but we never dated he is 5 years younger than I was. We spoke online for a few years until we decided to meet up because I was genuinely beginning to have feelings for him. he kept saying you’ll break my heart i know you will etc , so we met up and it was just sex I was a big stupid idiot believing he was the one so we met up few more times until he told me via text we are done. now from emailing to texting everyday to that was devastating I begged and phoned done all the stupid things no woman should do. I got abuse I was fat, smelly rubbish in bed still I persisted then he blocked me i slowly came out of my depression until he contacted me again I thought maybe this could be it he does want me, I was wrong just used for sex again same cycle happened again this time getting random girls joinin in with the abuse. Im so alone I feel ashamed I feel dirty I feel stupid for falling for someone before met the person.. I’m basically at my lowest now and no idea what to do with my life, I found out off him he used me because he was just out jail and was on curfew and im the sad loser who fell for it, and bragging he has loads of women and I’ll never get better than him, he said no one likes me and no one cares about me, I’m nothing.. I’ve asked this question elsewhere but all I get is get over it find someone else.. but I’m so ashamed how can tell people I was a crazy mental stalker who kept begging to be loved? I even gave him money on promise he never contacted me again so if he felt bad for me crying why come back and do it to me again and again?

Category: asked December 13, 2014

5 Answers

Never speak to him again, you'll be better for it. Abusive relationships never end well, and if a relationship wasn't based off well to begin with, then it's difficult to fix anything. He only wants to use you- and you know that. Don't be ashamed. This never was, isn't, and never will be your fault. From this point onward- now that you know what happened- you're in control of the situation. No matter how much it hurts, block his number, block any of his usernames, tell him you're done if you must but I personally would just disappear. I'm hoping he doesn't know where you live, but if he does and you see any signs of stalking/threats, please call the police. Be safe. You deserve so much better than to be treated like that because you are clearly a very intelligent person because you DID realize what he's done and you have the capacity to think about it all logically. Take the next step. I suggest you read up about recovering from abusive relationships, cut off contact with him, and move on with your life. You can do this. Message me if you ever need to. I'm here.
Take a deep breath. It's a shame that your path came across him. What he did to you is wrong. Make sure that he can't contact you ever again. It's better for your own sake if you block him everywhere. You deserve better than this. Take some time for yourself, take some time to love yourself. Do nice things for yourself. Go get a massage, go shopping,... You're beautiful in your own way. Within time your wounds will heal and it'll make you stronger. Be very careful when you meet people on the internet. Not everyone is who they claim to be, especially on the internet where it's easier for people with wrong intentions to pretend to be someone they're not. I hope things work out better for you in the future. If you ever want to talk, my inbox is always open.
To add on to what Rain said. Don't listen to his horrible insults. He was manipulating you for sex and support. You're not stupid. Don't ever say you're stupid. Making mistakes is part of life, as are relapsing into bad habits. Be strong BrokenHearted and you will find happiness : ). In the future, I would not advise giving him any money. That'll more than likely make him come back into your life. You'd be surprised how many people can act like "crazy stalkers begging to be loved". That does not make you unlovable or unattractive to men.
First things first, you are wonderful for realizing that this guy is a bad influence on you. Not everyone can realize that a person is treating them wrong and are in denial. You just want someone to know that you exist and you want love like almost everyone else. If you know this guy only wants sex from you, don't go running back to him because that will hurt you as a person. Block him to be the bigger person and know you can survive without him. Your time will obviously come :) trust me. Everyone has to go through something hard to become a better person. This guy is a low life and there are problems he has mentally and goes against people from it. Like @Silent Rain says "Not everyone is who they claim to be on the internet."
What you need now is a dear friend. Someone who will speak with you about this everyday. The best way to recover from this, is to have constant reminders of what a wonderful loving person you are, and realizing that not every man or woman in this world has had the fortune of being raised to be caring, compassionate and honest.Nurture all the positives about you. People are entitled to their opinions. But it doesn't make those opinions true!Remember who you are :)