I’m scared to admit it to myself…

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I’ve known that I’m genderfluid for a while now. It doesn’t bother me knowing this. It bothers my mom severely and my dad doesn’t know, because he’d kick me out of the family.

But my problem is, is that I think I might be trans…and that doesn’t bother me either. I am what I am, but no one else will see it that way. And I’m not going to sit there for hours listening to my family tell me I’m a girl, and that I should “be happy the way “god” made me”.

So, I haven’t actually said that I’m trans…yet…I just think I’m afraid that if I do things will get worse for me. I’ve been forcing myself to dress girly, more girly than usual…Just to try to get these feelings away from me. I feel terrible that my family is like this, but they are…And it makes me feel worse because I know they won’t love me for who I am…

So, my question would be, in general…what do I do?

Category: Tags: asked February 13, 2014

2 Answers

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In the first line of the second paragraph, you said that you think you might be trans. By this, do you mean that you're transsexual, or transvestite? If it's the latter, which would make more sense in context, the only thing I can think of is try to represent yourself in some way, whether it be online, or in school, anywhere where you feel unmoderated. Possibly get into online chats about it, or draw pictures that you can express yourself with. When someone hides how they truly feel, it can lead to a sense of inadequacy, and depression. Sometimes, you might even forget what you're hiding
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If dressing girly makes you unhappy don't dress that way. If you start wearing more androgynous clothes, or even men's clothes it's likely your parents (especially your dad) will think you're going through a phase, or are a tomboy. I know it's not ideal; however, it'll make you feel better and it'll ease them into it.
You said your mom already knows? That's a good thing. It may not be easy but you need to somehow get her to realize that you're not happy presenting as a girl. It may take a while but I'm sure she'll get it eventually. You'll probably have to answer the same questions over and over again but be patient. This isn't an easy topic for a lot of people.
I'm not sure what to do about your dad. Use your best judgement there I suppose. Maybe tell him after you've moved out? Or maybe ease him into it with small things. Like telling him you don't like dressing girly. Explain one day that you did it because you were worried what he'd think. Maybe baby steps is the way to go with it for him.
Good luck, I hope everything works out for you no matter what you decide to do.