Im scared of hitting back/defending myself

Im a 14 year old girl. Why am I so scared of hitting someone? I hit my older brothers even though i know they can hurt me bad, but im scared of hitting someone younger? I was born on Jan 1 so Im older than everyone in my grade, but im so short, im 5’2 or 5’3. Once i got in a fight because my i disagreed with my friend (Hes a fucking guy, i dont know why he would hit me) on something, so he started hitting my arm. I grabbed his hand to try to stop from hitting me, but he tried to kick me so i jumped back. He started hitting me more. It was outside for recess (my school still has recess for grade 8′s) There were so many people, I was embarassed. He later apologized but i still hate his guts. Sorry doesnt fix how i felt. I wanted to die. I couldnt even hit him back! I think i know why. Im scared that if i hit them back, it will start a fight like the one with my ‘friend’. even though i didnt even hit him, but it still started a fight. My brother teaches me fighting moves, like to jump back, hit the stomach, dodge, but im too scared to use them. Im such a pussy. Im very sensitive. If someone hits me, i will feel like crying. If my mom insults me, i will cry, but i dont cry when she hits me. like a punch from her is nothing, But hair pulling, slapping, all at the same time will make me cry. Can someone PLEASE give me some advice that will encourage me to fight back? Its ironic, im from a very abusive family, yet i cant punch back a violent little shit

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SadLife

8 Answers

Perhaps it's because you know the pain it can afflict when someone hit's you, and maybe you're afraid to become someone who abuses others. There's no logic to the way we feel, but don't think there's something wrong with you for not wanting to hit another person.

Getting physical like that is never a good solution to a problem, but you should never be ashamed for wanting to defend yourself, because that's what anyone would do in a situation like that. If you get in a situation where you don't feel comfortable or you get scared that they might physically attack you, then the easiest thing is to simply walk away from it. Let them know that you don't want any part in it. And no, it doesn't make you weak for ignoring them instead of hitting them back, simply more mature and unwilling to let them take their own issues out on you. After all, they say the best defense is silence. Can't argue with that.

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Hearmenow

1,884

My daddy taught me how to fight and protect myself. I won't tolerate anyone hurting me. You shouldn't either. The only thing that you should worry about is your self, not what will happen if you defend yourself.

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AnnieH

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It's a violent world and you have to be more aggressive if you wanna feel strong, hitting back doesnt mean that you're violent it means that you dont accept someone to view you as weak, because you see most human beings are sadists and they will hurt you for no good reason. everyone feels afraid from fighting back in the begining no matter how big or small they are, you have to develop that sense of strength within you and be prepared to hurt a person by any means if he/she does disrespect you in any way. don't worry fighting is like jumping in a pool of cold water its shocking at first but it gets easier as you sink more in it. and remember some people will never stop hurting you just because they can so show them that they can't.

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Aaron Webb

Because you are submissive, you've been brought up that hitting is to make you afraid, like your mum hitting you you've learned from a young age to submit to it-- as for your mum biting you that's just wrong! My here will come a time you will fight back when is needed. You will carry anger for what your mum did to you and you're tipping point will unleash a lot of anger.. Which isn't good at all because it will land you in trouble as for your friend hitting you he's a boy and shouldn't have lifted one hand on you at all, I'll give you advice you might not be a hitter but you have knees and if a boy hits you swiftly take a knee or a foot off his balls that will have him down on the ground and have you quickly move to somewhere of safty..you aren't a violent person just raised by violence and in time it will come to a head and explode outwards I hope before then you'll learn love and it's meaning because you are to good a person to drag yourself down by hitting people

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Brokenhearted81

I can't exactly give advice to help you physically injure someone because, well, I feel like that probably isn't the right thing to do. I feel like you just need to, in that situation, tell someone what happened. Be a tattle tale (that is the worst way to put it, I know, but it's what you should do). You can't be treated like that, you dont deserve to be treated like that. I know this wasn't exactly a clear answer but if you need any further help just PM me and I'll do all that I can to help you out. (:

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Eli

When I was young, I felt the same way. I was very afraid to hit back, or even defend myself. I would suggest looking into martial arts. Not to learn to hit back, but rather as a way to learn to be more confident, how to defend without hitting back, and it may help with the emotional overflow that comes with much of what you are dealing with. It may have the added effect of helping with the emotional and physical issues that come with being a teen. If your parents can not afford martial arts classes, look into the local YMCA for reduced cost or free classes, or even talk to dojo masters in your area. You may find one that will be willing to teach you for free.

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gray beard

I dont think you should start learning about how to defend youself physically since this happened once and with a guy who came back and apologized, because if you start learning fight moves and what not i think that might actually start inspiring you to instigate a situation where you might actually do someone serious harm. That being said, if someone hits, i think it is definitely your right to defend yourself , an equal response would be sufficient , just never escalate though. Remember violence is only for the weak minded, try to be above that primitivity.

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Das Omen

Learning to defend yourself physically is largely about accepting that violence hurts and conditioning your body to take punishment and conditioning your mind to function through the fear.

There are MANY self-help videos on youtube on beginner self-defense. Take an evening and browse. But learning physical techniques is not enough. You have to acknowledge that violence is not pretty or honorable; it is ugly and vicious, and you must learn to put your mind in a state where you can oppose a physical aggressor and do what it takes to end the situation. It is not easy, and it takes time.

Even that is an over-simplification, however. There are many considerations and nuances to violence and combat. It takes many years to learn. But the very first step is in learning to control your fear, and that can only be achieved by accepting that you are going to get hurt in a fight.

Of course, the best solution is to avoid the fight altogether. It is not true that violence is NEVER the answer, but it is true that if a situation comes to violence, use enough shock and awe to make completely certain that your opponent will never be interested in standing against you again.

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Humanist Hope

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