I’m really depressed and don’t know how to handle it?

I’ve never been diagnosed with depression, but for a while now, I’ve kept track of my mood levels and for the past few weeks, I’ve been really depressed for weeks straight. Even when good stuff happens to me, I always seem to be in a really low mood. Admittedly, I’m really stressed about school and I let the pressure of good grades get to me, but that’s not the only thing. I can’t help but be in an awful, depressing mood. My mom even told me she doesn’t like being around me because I’m too sad.
After weeks of being depressed, I had two really good days (yesterday and the day before). I felt super good about myself (I’m always self-conscious about the way I look) and I was in a really good mood (though I couldn’t concentrate in school because I was so antsy and I couldn’t sit still) and I was really hopeful that I was starting to get better.
But today, I was in another low mood. I was taking an online test for a class and I started panicking–my feet got numb, my legs got numb, I was light-headed and I kept hyperventilating, I could barely write, I felt like I was going to pass out. I screamed at the computer and I kept getting answers wrong because I couldn’t concentrate and I kept screaming and my mom just told me to calm down, but I couldn’t. So as soon as the test was done, I went up to my room and screamed some more and cried and threw pillows across the room and I wished I was dead and I grabbed a bobby pin and sort of cut at my wrist with it. It started bleeding a little, but I’m fine now, and the cut is covered up by my watch so Mom can’t see.
I guess I’m just really frustrated because school’s barely started and I’m already getting stressed over classes (though I was depressed over the summer, too, it didn’t just start recently). I haven’t been able to do the things I enjoy lately (not that I’d feel like doing them) and I just want to stop existing and disappear.
I want help, but I don’t know who to go to. I’ve kept a journal for the past few months that keep track of my mood, but I don’t want to go to the doctor because I’m worried of what Mom might say. I don’t know what to do, and I’m really scared and sad, but I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.

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2 Answers

i myself am going through a situation like this. everything gets to me. its hard but i believe i can get through it, i know i can and you can too. my friend also went through a really hard time. i helped her through that and how shes happy with her life. she thought that she would never be able to put her life back together but now she has. it is possible for everyone to. i want you to know that you are not alone many people are suffering through the same things as you. you also need to know that self harm is never the answer. it isnt a way out. it does not help your problems, it doesnt make you feel better, it doesnt take away the situation, it only makes things worse. when things happen and you feel overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, angry, frustrated or upset just take a deep breath and try to calm yourself down the best you can. you should talk to someone you trust about your problems, i am here for you if you need someone. i will never judge you, i will always listen to you, i will give you advice if that is what you want, i can talk you through the hard times just let me know and i can do that for you it is often seen in teens that they have low b12 vitamin which makes you sad, tired and run down, this may be part of what you are going through, it could be part of your cause of depression. finally you should know that you an always talk to your mother. dont be afraid to open up to her, moms know a lot, they have been through things too, they were once your age. they give great advice. best of luck to you. xo

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This sounds more like anxiety. You can go see a doctor without the permission of your mom, even if you are a minor. If you do not have healthcare a lot of communities offer free clinics that help to treat people like yourself. There is many hot lines you can call as well. In the mean time, when you get stressed out, explain to your teachers whats going on, more than likely they will be accepting and try to help you as much as possible. If it helps, take a walk, chew some gum, talk to a friend, watch a movie, have a COLD glass of water, drink some tea, read a book, or play a game. For me I find stimulating my mind can help take some worry away and focus on something other than what worries I have.

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