Hey. I’m Beba. I’m also 14, so bear with me a little here.
I come from a shattered background, never thought too much of it. Of all my little problems I’ve had, the fact that I’ve never had a… Solid [if that's a good term] set of parents has had a bigger impact on me.
Well, since I was 11, my dad officially left my household. As of right now, he hasn’t spoken to me since summer of 2013. I’m thinking it’s been around… Hmm.. 9 months, maybe? [nothing bad happened; he probably forgot I existed or something.]
Anyway, outside of this, and the whole mess of a life I have, I don’t wallow in the darkness all the time. Just like anybody else, I indulge in certain things; music, writing, drawing, painting, you know? And similar to anybody else lacking a good role model in their personal life, I have a habit of constantly attempting to fill in what I’m missing with the same things I indulge in.
Naturally, I’ve had a few role-models that aren’t in any way related to me. However, they hold things that really catch my attention. Inspire me, in a way. Imagine the fondness of a celebrity you once thought was kinda cool, but took it too far.
That’s the dumbed-down version of my situation.
I’ve grown to filling the father-shaped hole in my heart with fantasies, in a way. Well, more of these celebrity rolemodels. And since I don’t know these celebrities in real life, I can mold them to be whatever my beady little heart’s been starved of. Since I admittedly have one amongst the many I think about a lot more than the rest, we’ll call him Frank. Basically, I’m spending my time daydreaming about what it’d be like with Frank replacing the asshole that hasn’t budged to send a fucking text message to his own daughter in nine months.
Above all this, I think I’ve gotten a little too much false hope.
Coming from a fourteen year old who hasn’t had a boyfriend, or even a kiss yet, this will sound silly. Again, you’re going to have to bear with me here.
I’ve heard all those sappy love stories, of what it’s like to have somebody around that makes you feel a little more… Significant, in a sense. I’ve been thinking a little too much lately that one day I’m just going to come across a male figure that’s basically the equivalent of Frank, just… Real. Somebody who’s going to provide the security, affection, and all the things basically a father + boyfriend would give you.
I’m not sure how to necessarily wring a question out of this. Advice is just as welcome. But… For those of you who’ve had a significant other, what *is* love like, in the rawest sense? And, do I have a better chance at winning a lottery than finding this person?
