I rarely cry over guys. I did once, and that was last summer when I knew for real that it was unrequited love. And today was the second time, and I feel like an absolute idiot.
I met a guy at the beginning of this year. We’re both freshmen. Apparently he likes a girl, he assumes it was love but he keeps it to himself even though it’s completely obvious. And because he’s recently experienced this feeling, he thinks he knows so much more than everyone on love. The girl, however, moved away like a month or two into the school year and he still likes her. Whenever he gets the chance, he’ll bring up a flashback with her.
Later on into the school year, I’d say about February, we started having like a friends with benefits relationship. We never went all the way, but we kiss each other and you know the rest. And he’d have constant mood swings and it’d piss me off. Like, one period he’d be all moody but mostly ignore everyone. Then three periods later, he’d be happy again. It’s fucking annoying.
So then earlier this month, he got attached and I felt this way towards him for a while. But even so, he still brings up a flashback with the girl from before. What pisses me off is that he acts like he knows more than me about love. I’m no genius, but I’m pretty sure I already know the pains of loving someone who doesn’t love you back, let alone wants anything to do with you.
We kiss each other basically everyday and he’ll text me every morning like, “Hello, my love,” and we sometimes go back and forth on who loves each other more and this and that. Things were going pretty good. But he ruins it whenever he brings up the girl in RL verbal conversations, even if it’s brief. Also, we’re not actually dating, which I prefer. I usually get bored of the person I’m dating because it feels as if all the excitement is gone. I wouldn’t be able to flirt with anyone else, and neither would he. And even when we do, it doesn’t mean we actually like the person we’re flirting with.
So today we were both walking to PE and I honestly forgot what happened to make him think of this certain flashback, but he was like, “Me and ____ used to rub our finger on the bridge of each other’s noses.” And he demonstrates. I said, “That’s cute.” And then he says, “Cute? It was sexy!” and the rest of the way to class I basically ignored him and told him to shut up when he attempted to create conversation. And then while he played whatever sport with our classmates, I walked around the stadium alone, willingly, because at this point, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. And whenever I passed him, he would wave to me or jokingly stare at me. And then this one guy in our class rides a bike over and we jokingly start tickling each other. I figured, why not? He was being nice, and I wanted to get my guy back for bringing up the girl. It fucking hurts every time he does.
After class ends, I get my shit and leave before everyone else does. But then he catches up to me but we don’t say a single word to each other. Then he pulls out a cookie and asks if I wanted one, I said no. That was the only thing we said to each other until we finally made it to my classroom. And then he looks at me with the saddest expression on his face and says, “What did I do?” and I simply told him to go away as I turned my back to him. And then he says, “Do you want me to swing by your locker after last period?” (Since he does that everyday.) I said no. And then he walked off. Even though I was still pissed, the look on his face just killed me.
He didn’t come by my locker, as I told him to. Once I got home, he texted me if I ever wanted to see or talk to him. I replied never, and his response was, “Well, I am your opposite after all.” I decided to finally confront him on the girl, but not completely. I texted him, “Wouldn’t you much rather be seeing _____?” and he said, “That’s why I see you.” This is crucial. I don’t understand what he means by this. Please tell me.
I told him I don’t love him anymore. He basically tried asking me again why I was mad at him and what he did. He wrote, “If you don’t want to tell me then you don’t have to say. I’ll still love you.” I told him to leave me alone, and he said, “Good-bye then, my love.” I responded with, “Stop calling me that.” And that was the end.
And the whole time I was crying. I still am.
I don’t what’s wrong with me. I’ve thought of the way he brings the girl up, and it turns me off completely and I feel like I don’t want him anymore. Now, it fucking killed me telling him to get lost. I don’t want to be put through this anymore. I just want to be with him. But I don’t want to hear about his girl anymore. I just recently got over the guy I first loved, and now I don’t need another heartbreak. What I really want to know was about the text. When I said, “Wouldn’t you rather be talking to ____?” And, well, you know the response already.
Please. Help me out. I haven’t cried this long in a while. Actually, I rarely cry. I’m normally a very apathetic person and I don’t care for boys and love. But for once (or twice rather, after my first dumbass of a love), I actually really like someone. But whenever he brings up the girl, I die a little inside. I don’t want him anymore for that. Yet I still do. I don’t know. Please, help me.
And when I say that we’re freshmen, I mean in high school. I get that we’re young, but please, try to understand.
