I’m a bisexual girl– do I need to come out to my college roommate next year?


I’m going to college next year and we found out our roommate assignments today. I’ve been chatting with the girl I’ve been rooming with and she seems really nice, but I’m wondering if I should come out to her (I’m bisexual; I have a preference for guys but I have fallen for girls before) before the year starts so she has time to request reassignment if she wants. She’s said she supports gay marriage, but she might have a different view about living with someone not totally straight. Personally I wouldn’t mind too much if she requested reassignment, but I don’t know how I would explain it to my parents. Does she deserve to know? Or since it’s extremely personal, am I not obligated to tell her until I get to know her better? Thanks for your input!

Category: Tags: asked August 1, 2013

3 Answers

You can tell her about it if you want to, it's totally up to you. For my roommate and I know some of my other friends, they were just self-conscious in general like they would go to the bathroom just to change clothes and kind of people have the wrong idea of rooming with a gay/bi/lesbian person like they think you will be checking them out all the time which I'm sure isn't true. Again it's up to you, from experience it's a lot easier to live with someone if you are just friendly to them but not that close to them, especially if it's first year so you are basically just living in a room together. Again up to you but good luck with everything!
I'd get to know her a bit first, then talk to her when you feel comfortable about it - you don't owe her anything. Give her a chance to see you as you, rather than going in with the preconception of the bisexual girl. You don't have to wait until you're already moved in to do this, but equally I don't think your sexuality is really a strong motivation to change roommates - if she's as nice as she sounds she probably won't make a big deal of it. Plus, if you guys are already getting along, switching now leaves less time to get to know a new person who might not be such a good fit (for you or for her).
As the rest have said it's up to you. As the girl gets to know you more im sure she'd figure it out on her own. I have friends that are bisexual and gay and even though i've known them for say 6 years or more i only found out recently about some of them. It shouldn't be something you just lunge into telling someone. I don't see how it should affect her but if you're comfortable with telling her just to get it over with then go ahead :)