I’m 18, and want to go see a guy who’s 26, in New York.


I’m 18, and he’s 26. We’ve talked 24/7 for months, and I know who he is and everything about him, and my mom even talked to him on Skype I’ve tried to talk to her about going to see him in New York for months but she constantly avoids the question and now we just got into a screaming match about it because I want to go over New Years and she won’t talk to me about it.

She said that she was avoiding it because she hoped that I would ‘forget about it’. But I tried to be an adult and actually talk to her like an adult about going to see him for two weeks and coming home. I would be spending all of my money myself, none of hers, all I would need was a ride to the airport.

I did everything she asked for her to ‘think about it’, I told her everything I knew about him, told her all the details, etc, and I just really wanted her blessing to go but now we just got into an argument with her not accepting anything I was saying and not listening and just saying that I was going to die, or get myself killed, etc.

I really want to do this, one big trip before I go off to college next fall, and she’s not accepting of it at all. I’m 18, should I just get my tickets and go anyways? I know everything about this guy, I just wanted her blessing and she won’t give it to me.

Category: Tags: asked December 26, 2014

5 Answers

The thing is that there's a lot of internet-related crimes. Someone can create a fake bullet-proof identity. I know how you feel, when I was 14 my parents ruined a relationship I had with this guy I was e-mailing for a while but you have to see her point of view. There are things you can never know about even the most honest of people without meeting them; those little habits that define a person. What makes it worse is that you're going far away for a whole fortnight, and on New Years for God's sake, which is a family holiday. You have never met this guy. I think you should make an extremely thorough background check on him and if you go make sure someone you trust knows where you are or is near you at all times. It's your decision to make, but don't do anything rash if it isn't worth driving a rift between you and your mother.
If this guy really likes you he should be the one to come see you not the other way around. As a 26 year old gentleman he should know that. think about how she feels because you may "know everything about him" but you wont really "know" about him until youre around him and she knows nothing other than the few things you tell her. think about if you had a child. would you feel comfortable to let her go to a different state to go see her online boyfriend knowing nothing about him his mannerisms or anything? especially a state so crowded with people thieves kidnappers and the things that have been happening lately? shes only trying to protect you and as a man he he should respect her feelings about it and try to ease her a little by going to you and meeting her too in person.
While I do agree you should be able to make your own bad descisions, I think the risk factor on this one is too high.If this man turns out to be anything other than he claims to be, you are in serious trouble with no turning back and there won't be ayone around to help you. Maybe wait until a new, safer and parent-approved alternative arises. If he really is a gentleman, he'll wait for you.
I wouldn't have anyone to go with me because no one but me has the money to, and everyone else is in college. I've tried talking to her about this for months, and I just tried talking to my dad and yeah they think its a bad decision but I feel like it's a bad decision that I have to make myself. And I don't think I can reschedule it for any other time because I'm going to be busy with work/school and I already requested off for the 2 weeks of work for this trip.
Yeah I just tried to bring that up to both of them, changing it from two weeks to one week instead. It's the same length of time as if I were to go off to a camp like I used to do every summer.And, I talked to him about what if he came down here and for one, he doesn't have the money to at the moment because he works construction and the jobs don't come one after the other so he has to pay bills in between, and two my dad drinks and his dad was an alcoholic so he isn't comfortable around people who drink so I would never make him be in that situation, and three, there would be NO PLACE for him to stay if he were to come here, because we don't have a spare room until we re-do the basement... and there he DOES have a spare room for me to stay in.I even brought up that I would call them every day and set up a skype account for them to call me every day, but they refuse to even listen to me. I've been trying to be an adult and talk about this for months but my mom even told me that she wouldn't talk to me about it because she thought I would 'get over it'.