I was so visibly uncomfortable while trying to “make friends”???

I just moved to a new place. I met this girl online and she was really cool and we only hung out on only one occasion one-on-one before she invited me to her house… things were nice and cordial when I got there and she was really friendly but I felt really rigid and stiff and then a couple of her friends came over and I found myself to be so shy and uncomfortable and like I had nothing to contribute… I was really only there smiling and listening, barely, and every time I tried to talk things came across as forced and then we went out and things got even worse. The girl and I went outside and I apologized for being so shy and she reassured me it was fine and it didn’t matter and you couldn’t hear inside anyway. I just remember wanting so badly to leave and it wasn’t because of anyone I just felt like I couldn’t be myself for some reason and I couldn’t escape that mode of thinking, and I usually don’t behave this way but I feel like it may have been the subconscious pressure to just make friends…. the girl texted me she was glad she met me but I still feel like I ruined everything and in all honesty I wouldn’t want to hang out with me again. I feel like it’s going to be hard to redeem myself and I don’t know what stopped me from being receptive or wanting to make small talk. I felt uninteresting and submissive and just not welcome even though they were trying with me?

link

audrey horne

5 Answers

2 accepted

Even people who don't have social anxiety normally often get like this when they've just moved somewhere new, especially if they're naturally somewhat introverted (which is totally normal and fine and not at all a problem! It's just a personality type. A lot of people still don't get this, but it's true). Don't worry about this, and it won't become a problem. She certainly didn't seem to care. I think you're upset with yourself and projecting that onto them, but I don't see any evidence that they had a problem with the way you were. Try to take things easy in all areas of your life for now, and whatever happens, don't blame yourself -- at least not entirely.

link

Apfelle

192

Social anxiety can be really tough to deal with. And When you're introduced into a new social setting and environment, it's really hard to get comfortable right away. You didn't ruin anything or mess up this potential new friendship. This girl obviously wants to be your friend or she wouldn't have invited you out or texted you after saying she was happy to have met you.Relaxing and opening up to a new person and/or group can be challenging. Try and logically process what you're thinking next time you all hang out.Like most things, socializing takes practice. Maybe you and this girl can just start hanging out and have it only be the two of you. Gradually introduce yourself to new people. That way you' don't feel like you're being thrown into a situation you're not ready for.Hang in there. :]

link

Nicole

Don't feel too bad. Moving to a new place can be nerve-wracking for anybody. And we all have "off" days where we don't feel like we were our best selves.It sounds like hopefully the girl is friendly and would like to be friends with you. I wonder if you've thought about texting her back to say thanks for inviting you around. Hopefully things won't be as bad as you imagine.

link

ProcedurallyGeneratedSprite

219

relax the girl txted u afterward..means she is still interested social anexity is not big deal..u can handel it with the right friends don't shut her out..try to hang out more with her..alone..and get comfortable..then she might accompany u to meet new friends

link

whiteHEART

I feel the exact same way in pretty much every social situation unless I'm talking to someone who I find to be really accepting. I don't know why I feel more open in front of certain people more than others. I think some people are better at talking and relating more than others. I don't really know how to describe it but I can kind of tell when someone is interested in the same things that I am, and when I feel that they aren't I kind of shut myself down completely. I think that girl made the mistake of inviting a bunch of people you didn't know. They sounded cliquish, even if they try to include you, you end up being put on the spot in front of a bunch of people instead of it being just one on one. Overall it's a bad way to get to know someone if you're quiet.

link

MLE

370