I Want to Move Out Soon but Parents are getting in the way.

I am 17 and I will be turning 18 very soon. I do not have the money to move out but when I do I will definitely want to leave here. My family is bearable for now but recently it has been getting worse. My mom still has me go to bed early even if I am studying, I am not allowed to stay out late (Late as in 9:00 PM) and they just yell at me for small things when I try to focus on my own things. My siblings are also very annoying, especially my older sister and it has been making me want to stay on my college campus pretty much all day. I hate coming home because I have no sense of privacy and sometimes I just want to be left alone. The problem here is that my parents have been telling me ever since I was a child that I will not move out until I find a wife (that they approve of). I was born in the states but my parents were born in Pakistan and they have standards I simply cannot meet. I weigh out the pros and cons almost every night and pros always win. Now what is mainly stopping me are my parents and there constant threats and shaming of me. My dad always tells me I am a terrible child for mentioning it and my mom just piggybacks on what my dad says. Then when it comes down to it they say stuff like “Go ahead, just move out, I don’t care” and that bugs me because it just makes me not want to. Honestly it has gotten to the point where the only thing I will truly miss is my moms cooking. My dad tells me not to follow this “American” culture when really it seems like the only thing that will make me happy and help me get better grades in school. I want to be an independent adult and just learn from my own mistakes. But I just feel like I am still in high school coming home to constant criticism of my weight or even the smallest things like forgetting to wash a spoon after a small snack. Just to add a little more stress to my situation, I was born and raised a muslim, a very strict one if that, recently I changed to atheism but I cannot tell my parents because of fear. Having to pray every day for something you do not believe in, because you are forced to, is a very very hard thing to do. Thanks in advance. -A Fellow Friend

Category: Society & Culture asked September 6, 2014

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Psych47

4 Answers

1 accepted

LOLOLOL I can totally relate to you! My parents are asian so in a way I know how you feel. Only difference is I have the money to move out I purchased my own house at 19 and moved out and I have to say it's seriously not as great as I assumed. First despite how much you hate your siblings sometimes try get on your nerves etc etc your gonna miss the commotion you may not believe it but you wil one day wake up and miss them. Second, as you said your moms cooking but that's not all I'm fortunate to live next to food lion but I can imagine getting out buying food then cooking it TRUSE ME it's a pain in the ass!!!! Third. Everytime you do something and you make a mistake your gonna hear your parents nagging at you in your head anyways and when u don't make a mistake you realize your parents was the one that taught you not to make that mistake. Not to mention all the bills (electric min200/month water 100/month food 500/month) on top of that the mortgage, house insurance, property taxes, and not to mention the grueling process of buying a house. I don't mean to scare you man I'm saying I understand your position VERY well and ill tell you by the end of the year I sold that house out and moved back in cause its very very depressing to wake up every morning with nobody there trust me. I would wait till your married.

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Mj1993

408

If you are wanting to move out and be an independent adult, when you turn 18, go and move out if you can afford to, but if you can't, then I would stay with your family even with the problems that you are having, unless there is someone else you can live with....I am currently living with my mom and sister at the moment because I can't really afford to live on my own, although someday I hope to live on my own and be independent again.If you live in the US and turn 18, I think that your parents can't legally force you to stay and live with them. When you turn 18, you are legally an adult! So you can move out if you really want to.Hope this helps!

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Samantha

143

If you want to move out, move out. If you can't afford to, to be honest, deal with it, or find a job or something. There are no magical answers, it's all in your hands.

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Y Z N

1,411

It depends on which state you live in, but in most states 18 is a legal adult (the only exceptions I can think of are Mississippi, Alabama, and Nebraska), so if you want to move out once you turn 18, your parents cannot force you not to. It is okay to stay with your parents, too, of course; I am 18 and I can't imagine living without my parents. It sounds scary to me! However, you clearly do not feel the same way as me, and that is okay. If you feel ready to move out, you can go ahead and do it once you have the money. Since I was not raised in the culture you have been raised in, I do not fully understand the whole thing about your parents not letting you after you are 18. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it; it is just not the culture I was raised with. For that reason, I do not know what I can say in terms of that since I do not know what the consequences would be if you disobeyed your parents. All I can say is if you want to move out, you can go ahead and do it, but when weighing the pros and cons, remember to include whatever the consequences will be for going against your parents' word in the "cons" list. Good luck :)

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Friendly