I vandalized school property and I don’t feel guilty?


This all happened last year. I was a loner (and still am, nobody likes me besides my parents, and they’re forced to like me, I’m their daughter.) and I was being trash talked by another girl. She stole my friends and turned everyone against me. I was the school failure. Then I just gained this social anxiety so I spent my lunches in the school bathroom.

One day, I was just so insane and bored, I had nothing to do since I threw away my lunch that day, I going crazy. Then I got some paint and started writing and drawing all over the bathroom stalls, I ripped toilet paper and dropped it everywhere….I actually think the school deserved it, because I was mad at everyone there, I was mad at all the staff. It was the worst school I ever was in, and even after I stopped and thought about it, I still wasn’t guilty. I was fired up like a shounen anime character lol. xD And you guessed it, I got caught, Now, the school has this idea that I need counseling and I’m depressed, and at that time, I didn’t want it, especially from there, I lied and even tried to send the principal on a guilt trip, and it worked.

But the school counselor and the staff that was in the bathroom was still suspicious, They even contacted this CPS and made a huge deal about it to my parents. My parents usually don’t take my problems like that seriously and think I’m lying, I tried hinting to them about it, but they don’t get it. I convinced the CPS lady I didn’t do it, and the school year was luckily over, and I was fine.

5 months later, I still have thoughts of self-harm, I have dreams about death, and I actually think about using drugs and vape. Usually I just feel content, like I’m just simply normal. I cry sometimes, and I get my bursts of happiness. I like to be active, and I have some motivation, but I’m thinking I really need therapy, and I feel something inside me I can’t let go. I won’t ever go back to that school again, but I just feel guilty, and I really feel like I should be honest because I feel like screaming, and I can’t help it but think I’m betraying my parent’s trust… ;-; nya.

What can I do about this, should I be honest, do I need therapy, and am I a bad person for doing this?

Oh by the way, I still don’t regret the damage I did to that bathroom stall… I hope that doesn’t make me a bad person or you guys will hate me either. ;-;

Category: Tags: asked August 2, 2015

3 Answers

Doing a bad thing doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes when something hurts us or makes us really angry, we do things that we wouldn't normally do when we're feeling alright. Yes, vandalizing the bathroom obviously wasn't a great choice and I think you recognize that to some degree, but at the same time you were frustrated at the place and the people in it so you let your emotions out the only way you knew how.

I definitely think that therapy would be a helpful thing for you since you seem to be going through some tough times at the moment. It's unfortunate that your parents don't take what you're feeling seriously, but no feeling is wrong and if you're having some troubling thoughts, a therapist would be able to help you work through it and find better ways to cope than destructive behaviour. They're an amazing outlet for letting everything out, and then learning new ways to deal with how you're feeling at any given moment. Being honest about how you're feeling to others is the first step, because opening up will allow them to help you. It's one of the scariest things you ever have to do, but it really is worth it if it means finding ways to start feeling better. It's never too late to tell the truth and start healing. I wish you the best of luck!
@georgia , thanks for being the only person who actually care .-.
Bad actions don't make you a bad person, just like good actions don't make you a good person. In retrospect vandalizing the school is bad, but you were hurt so its understandable and toilet paper really isn't much damage. I'm very sorry you lost your friends at school, but if they were truly your friends they wouldn't have left you. I feel like therapy should be an option but not with your school counselor because lets be real, they aren't the easiest people to talk to and they are weird about your answers. Self harm and drug use should never be an option, that is no bueno. You should always find someone to talk to, like being on here was a good choice, you need to talk to someone. Let all your demons out so that you aren't holding any of the bad things in . Talking is good, holding in all your anger and pain is not. I hope all goes well!