I try to be myself, polite and nice, but come off as creepy? what?

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on tumblr I’m sure many of you know of people’s personal posts, namely the depressing ones. I’ve made it a habit sort of, to go on anonymous and send people nice messages and ask them not to publish it (so that they and they alone can read it). It’s worked for a while but sometimes, when I REALLY want to help a person, I go off anon.

but like, it feels like no matter how much help I offer or how much I try to assure them I’m willing to listen to them, nobody cares. A few years ago I would have done ANYTHING to have one person listen to me, to have one person care, and I rarely ever did. so I try to do what I didn’t have in my time of depression, and offer a hand to others. but nobody seems to take it….??

I know. I am not obligated to offer to help others, but I WANT to. I don’t want anything in return, I just want to know that I am able to be USEFUL and to HELP somebody. But I often get ignored half the time…

it’s making me wonder if some of these people keep posting what they post for attention. or maybe, I just come off as creepy, or they don’t want help. I don’t get it. “oh Nobody cares”, well, /i/ care. I just want to be of help to others…

so my question is, should I stop? it’s really frustrating when I write a genuine paragraph to a person only for them to fuckign ignore me when I seriously want to help. Am I coming off as creepy? that’s certainly not my intention; the only thing I want to do if offer a listening ear and, if possible, help a person out. Depression isn’t fun, I was there, I had nobody to talk to so it just confuses me when people on these websites constantly complain and complain about having no one to listen and the. there”/ like 5 people who sincerely want to…

I was anonymous one time and gave my cell number (and I never ever touch my phone, but the person was unstable so I made this exception), and I really wasn’t expecting a message anyways but…nothing.

Am I too outgoing. foward? blunt? to the point of creepy? I don’t want to make people uncomfortable despite only wanting to help, but I just think I shouldn’t put the effort into those certain users anymore… I’m still going to continue sending random people nice anonymous messages, but otherwise I think I’m going to stop, since I’m obviously not doing a good job anyways.

Do you think it’s creepy to try and offer to help so much? Should I just stop? Thank you, sorry for whining so much I’m just not sure what to do (╯︵╰,)

Tags: asked November 19, 2013

8 Answers

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I am happy that you realise that you are not obligated to help others, but you also need to understand that those you reach out to are not obligated to respond. It is fantastic helping people, especially when there is experience of not being helped--trust me, I know. The fact of the matter is that not everyone accepts that help, and you cannot force them to.

From the sounds of it, I do not believe that you are coming off as blunt or creepy, and I believe that you should continue trying to help if you really want to. Yes, it can be frustrating, but at least you know that you tried; hell, for all we know, they could read that message everyday with a smile because someone actually took the time to care.

What I would urge you to do, though, is not assume that they are looking for attention; even if they were, you have no evidence to prove that, and it could be detrimental if those assumptions are voiced.
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way.@Chaser That's true. I don't know, I just feel like even a "okay", or "thank you", or even a "no" would be good too, just as some confirmation that my voice matters to them. I don't want anything back, the only thing I was is some sort of confirmation that maybe I was able to help them. because if I don't, then I should feel bad for wasting their time in the first place. you hit the mark though, thank you very much. just a confirmation would be okay because I feel like I'm being ignored and that hurts when I care about a specific person so much
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Maybe they aren't ready to receive your nice notes. Or I hate to say it bluntly, maybe you are expecting attention back for the attention given. You should continue helping the way you think works. I am sure you have helped some, although they weren't able to express in a reply. Maybe you bounced them back from their sad state too fast that they forgot to reply. Now, wouldn't that be a good thing? Maybe this is yet another marker you have to check off to be a genuine helper- to remove what you get back from helping. Do what you do as an act of charity, and be very generous when you do so.
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I'm sorry that you don't feel appreciated :( I do the same thing, but half the people are usually very happy to hear from me, or else don't really respond. However, if you post something as anon, understand that they can't respond privately. If you want a response, but not publicly, try sending fan mail. I don't think you would come across as creepy, as long as you don't send the same people multiple messages a day, when they don't seem interested, or make sexual or romantic comments. Maybe just wish them the best, and offer to listen if needed, and only persist further with these people respond. Try other people, or people here.And remember that while they may be doing it for attention, that is necessarily true. They may just not know how how to proceed and respond, or may not believe you, and calling a strangers number would be a little unnerving.I think it's great that you're trying to help people! Just be patient, and remember to take care of yourself too. Good luck!
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sometimes you shouldnt care so much about people you dont know, especially if its starting to make you feel bad about yourself when you try so hard. i think you should definitely still send nice messages and always let people know youre a person to talk to, but dont let it invest all of your time because lets face it- sometimes your own happiness has to come first.
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@Raven I never assume people are looking for attention unless it's something ridiculous since, we've all seen some of those things who give people who truly are in need of help a bad name. but yeah, even if I do have my suspicious i never ever call someone out on it; I just mind my own business and won't get in their way. but thank you, you're absolutely right.
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@GabrielaKayy Maybe you're right...I follow people who have no clue I exist and I get so emotionally attached. whenever I see someone I follow being bullied, or just sad, I go into fucking overdrive and I only want to make them better and get rid of whatever asshole is making them sad. but, they don't even know me. For a lot of people my anonymous messages, I hope they find sweet, but I get so obsessed with these sad people for no reason other than I try to sympathasize. as I mentioned in my original post, when I was in that bad pit of depression, the ONLY thing I wanted was someone to talk to. so I try to make myself available whenever possible , for other people this time :(Thank you everyone, even the people I didn't respond to, so much you're all great. I'm just glad I'm not coming off as creepy,,.
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thanks everyone again, you really do give the best advice and answers. what I do now is up to me and I think my judgement and thinking has changed because of reading your answers, thank you so much <3