Is It My Fault If My Boyfriend Flirts With Other Girls?


I am ready to be an open book now because I realize that this is truly bothering me and bringing down my confidence. ALSO, effecting me personally and profesionally.

So… My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years now and he helped me through a very difficult time for me when we had only a few months together, so now… like 1 month ago we decided to move together… One week after that, I was using his phone for playing games and then one conversation pop up (I know I shouldn’t read that) and I read the FB message, it was him asked out a girl, talking about seen again and doing the massage they both need, the girl was all way interested and keep the conversation with him… But what really matters was that he was the one with more interested and keep going with the conversation, so what I do was read the whole thing and previous messages (Don’t judge me) and I really hate myself for that, I felt and keep feeling betrayed…
I talk to him ( he was on the computer when I figured out on his phone but when we talk it was late bc I really want to think what I should say or how) and he told me it wasnt like that, that he dont know about that and someone enter in his fb. He denied everything…

But since then I dont know what to think and I really not the same person, at work I can not stop to think about it, and every activity is like I dont know what to do, he is my first boyfriend, he knows all my friends and family, he was my everything and if I try to talk to him about that girl he denied everything…

I want to believe it and think that someone try to make us break out but I know is impossible that someone hacked facebook accounts…

He called her and whatsapp/snapchat with her but now he is deleting everything so I just I dont know if he is in touch with her anymore and delenting stuff or just he doesn’t talk to her anymore…

I really dont know what to do…

Can you give an advice please?

Category: Tags: asked October 10, 2015

3 Answers

It is always heartbreaking when we find out that our love is not enough for our loved ones, to find out that they are looking for something else somewhere else. The popular opinion is that they are jackasses, selfish and inconsiderate. The reality is that they are people with needs, and as human beings we are not always very good at anticipating our own needs, especially in relationships.

No, this is not your fault. What you need to do is sit your boyfriend down and calmly invite him to share the truth with you. Your whole lives are sitting in front of you and there is honestly no time for misleading each other or yourselves. If your relationship is plainly not working, then the adult thing to do is to open up and just say so, so that you can both begin the healing process much sooner and continue with your lives without the burden of trying to make something work when it isn't.

If your boyfriend cannot be honest with you and the problems just persist, you may be the one who has to call it off. Of course, it is also possible that he has needs that he wasn't comfortable sharing with you. There are seemingly endless possibilities for why a thing like this would happen. But I reiterate: It is not your fault.

Do the right thing. Have the tough talk. Hammer that conversation out, so the two of you can bring yourselves to confronting the truth of your situation, whatever it may be, be it for reconciliation, or for the parting of the ways.

If you'd like to discuss this further and in private, my inbox is always open at
I'm not sure if you already live together or not, if it's doable, I would pull the plug on the moving in together until you decide what to do about he's cheating and what it means for your relationship.
Don't waste your time. It's kinda obvious what is happening... He's not faithfull. Also that excuse "someone got into my facebook" is the most used excuse ever... Move on and get a loving and caring boyfriend, and not someone who plays around with your feelings.