I think I’m relapsing back into eating disorders again?


Ever since I was little, I’ve always been the fattest person in the class, in the family, in the neighbourhood etc. That might make it sound like I’m obese, I’m not, But I am roughly 5-10 kilos over weight. It’s not too much, since I’m only 15, but being a 15 year old girl means people have high expectations from you, looks wise. When I was ten, I had huge issues with my weight, I’d gotten tired of being bullied and I stopped eating. I lost loads of weight before my mum made me move schools and my new friends lifted me out of my obsession. I then moved back to the same neighbourhood, but then issues started again, this time I started binge eating. I gained all of my weight back, and more. This year I lost weight, I’m currently roughly 68 kilos and roughly 1m 67cm. I hate my weight. I’ve started wanting to throw up after meals, and I’m trying to control it, but I still attempt to make myself sick a few times every night. I don’t know whats happening, but I do know it’s because my entire family spend the whole day commenting on my weight and I go to bed at night hating myself more than ever. I have huge self harm issues, I’ve been a self harmer for over 5 years and my urges are getting uncontrollable. I really just don’t know what to do. Everything is piling up and it’s getting too much. The issue is mainly that part of me doesn’t want me to stop myself, I want to let myself spiral down again because I’m tired of trying to be good, I want to give up now, I want my thoughts to do what they will. Maybe I’ll finally be skinny enough then. Finally my family might accept me, when they see me skinny with cuts all over. I don’t know. I’m so sorry if this sounds stupid, I just really need advice.

Category: Tags: asked July 18, 2014

2 Answers

What the fuck! Fuck with they think! Seriously! If you like eating its OK. Its neccesary to survive. Being only 15 is a tough age for girls because they idolize the idea of being perfect. You see it on magazines,t..v, the internet. Try to stay away from that for a while and see if your views change. Look in the mirror at least twice a day and focus on what you like, not your flaws. Each woman is beautiful. Its just societally acceptable to be stick thin and wear 2 pounds on makeup every day just to maintain the illusion that everything is perfect and ok. If your constantly eating junk and not exercising daily yeah your body is going to react. But throwing up after meals is hurting the inner linings of your stomach. Read, find a hobby. Live life to the fullest! I know you can. We only got one life to live...why waste it living in someone else's expectations of you. Fuck their opinions!
youh really should not care what they think. im slighley overweight too and wear it proud . be confident in who youh look yourself in the mirror every morning and say im beautful dont care what other people think. wear your body proudly.