I think I’m genderfluid but I don’t know?

Normally I identify as non-binary, but lately I’ve been feeling like a specific gender one day and another the next. Some days I’ll feel like I’m a guy and a girl at the same time, or neither. Today’s a girl day, but I have no idea what tomorrow will be and on days that don’t match my biological gender, I have really severe dysphoria and I feel like I’m detached from my body. My mother is disapproving of the clothing I wear and will only ever allow me to get clothing from my biological gender’s department when we go shopping, and I’m certain that she wouldn’t even consider for a moment allowing me to buy myself a body modifier or any other sort of thing like that. When she found out I identified as non-binary, she told me that I’m too young to be thinking about my “gender identity” (scare quotes included, I could hear them in her voice) and that I need to focus on school. (I’m typically a straight-A student so that’s bullshit). Usually I’m a bit cynical when it comes to the physical world (which I’m working on) but when it comes to myself I like having terms that I can help define myself with so I don’t feel broken or out of place. (Learning that asexuality exists was one of the best days of my life).

I don’t know if I should come out as genderfluid to my mother, or wait until I know what’s going on with me, or just stay in the closet until I’m old enough to move out and support myself? My friends know that I identify as non-binary and they use my pronouns for the most part despite a few slip-ups, and my pronouns wouldn’t change if I started identifying as genderfluid instead, so should I at least tell my friends?

Category: Sexuality Tags: asexual genderfluid asked November 30, 2014

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tipsyGnostalgic

108

6 Answers

2 accepted

From what you're describing, it sounds like Genderfluid. Gender, like sexuality, is fluid and can change at any time, which in itself is very confusing. If you feel comfortable telling them about this, then yeah, tell your friends! They seem to be really accepting and okay with non binary. As for your mom, since she only ever lets you get clothes from your birth genders side, there's lots of trans clothing exchanges online that will be more than happy to help you out~

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Seb Strider

Personal sexual and gender identities (separate things) are a big part of who you are and are very important in the process of discovering who you are. I am genderfluid, and what you described is exactly how I feel about gender. It is very hard for others who are stable in their gender identity to understand those that aren't. As long as you can keep your grades from being affected by your identity (which should NOT be a problem), then your mother has no real say.If you want to present as your non-biological gender, but she will not buy you those sort of clothes, I suggest getting a job to pay for your own (if/when you're old enough to), and doing your own laundry so she can't dispose of the clothes she doesn't like.Your gender (or lack thereof) is ultimately on you, no one else. If they don't like it, they will challenge it, but they cannot change it for you.Be strong. Message me if you want continued support on this.

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That Space Cat

It sounds to me like your friends are really accepting of you, and if that's true then it might help you to tell them! Because then they could support you for when you might decide to tell your mother who sounds like she might not be as supportive. Also, I think that you should try to be as free as possible with who you are, but maybe wait to tell your mother just so in case you ever figure other things out with yourself, it won't be another surprise and it will be more trustful.

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LunaMoon

Nothing wrong with what your dealing with, just be confident with yourself. I am bisexual but does that really matter. Just because I am a woman who can find herself attracted to both men and woman doesn't define me as a whole. Be honest with them and yourself. Also realize that you wont have your mom trying to keep you from being you forever.

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Luka Megurine

100

Re: pronouns - ask the person which gender they are at the time, and/or wh I ch pronouns they prefer. I am ok with both male and female pronouns, but everyone has their own tastes/preferences.

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That Space Cat

You have the right to self identify however you wish. There is no identity police here – nobody to tell you what you are, how you are, or how you’re supposed to be. If you feel genderfluid (or any other term) is a label, word, concept, term, or identity that fits you in any way, take it as yours. There are as many ways of experiencing and expressing yourself as there are people.

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Friendly Amoeba