This is from The 16 Signs of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Louise Behel. This is the link:
Link The 16 Signs of Childhood Sexual Abuse:
1. Have a very sensitive gag reflex
2. Can’t tolerate having water hit them in the face (in the shower or pool)
3. May not enjoy bathing; personal hygiene can be a challenge; alternately they may shower fastidiously and too often
4. Dressing inappropriately (either very modestly or very immodestly) for the weather and their size
5. Obesity (in my clients about 1/3 of the obese women were sexually abused)
6. Have eating disorders, alcoholism and/or virtually every form of addiction, including sex
7. Abuse themselves – cutting, picking at the skin, burning (usually from cigarettes)
8. Lack boundaries, physically, emotionally and spiritually
9. Have ‘dead zones’ on the body (for example, may not know body has wet spots after toweling off after a shower, or she may not know how she got a bruise)
10. Are unable to make love in certain positions
11. Can’t remember periods during childhood or realize that everything happened at ‘8 or 9 or…’
12. Feel crazy, or different, or alone; also feel dirty and unworthy
13. Regularly see double entendres in ordinary conversation
14. Not trust the body (to be strong, graceful, reliable, healthy)
15. Suffer emotional abreactions: reliving the emotions of the abuse when confronted with specific stimuli, e.g. smells (aftershave or cooked cabbage like Grandma always made) or sounds (a footstep in the hall at night) or images (a type of bed or a sofa in the basement) or touch (the hair, or lack of, on a man’s chest) or taste (slimy, tart, or spicy). This is usually part of PTSD, but that deserves a post of its own, because of the complexity of the topic.
16. Arousal when reading about a child who’s been victimized. This is the body’s response to the victim’s sexual ‘education’ and is particularly prevalent if the victim was groomed over a period of time. But it is the most shameful reaction for victims and one that is the hardest to talk about. It is also the only item on this list that makes me mad. I’m not talking about the arousal of a perpetrator here, but the reaction of my client who feels ashamed because “Something is wrong with me if I feel this way”. It reinforces the message they were given during the abuse that said “this is your fault” or “you like it”. This message is incredibly complicated if the victim experienced arousal during the abuse. (Yes it happens – it’s natural and it’s normal).This isn’t a person who is aroused looking at a child but only when reading about the abuse done to children. (All my women clients who report this symptom admit it only comes when reading, but I have a small sample.)
It should be clear that the effects of childhood sexual abuse are long term and insidious. They don’t go away unless treated and resolved. They vary in complexity and how they interact. They are always impacted by the role the client has adopted to handle the stress of her family of origin.
And they are always treatable. They can be resolved, diminished or made manageable. The important thing is to accept that if ‘something doesn’t feel right’, it probably isn’t. And that there is no shame for what was done to you.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT
If you doubt that, please go and watch children playing at a park or in a yard or in their home. Preferably watch children who are about the age you were at the time of your abuse or when it began. Watch them carefully. Then tell me what is sexual about their behavior.
Little kids love to run around without clothes. It’s natural for them. Tell me what is sexual about a 2 or 3 year old running and giggling because she got out of the bathroom after her bath and is enjoying the escape.
Kids are not sexual – unless a perpetrator has taught them to be. I've heard mentally blocking out traumatic events is very common, especially in cases such as sexual abuse. While I'm not a doctor, I wouldn't be surprised ... if you think you have but you can't quite recall why exactly you feel that you have been sexually abused, you've probably been sexually abused.
