i need relationship help!

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Anyone have advice for me? So, I’m 23(female) years old & have never had sex before. I have the WORST issues being able to get close to a guy. The relationship will be going great, but when its time to get serious, I back out. And w/ sex, as much as I want to – there’s like a block to where I won’t let myself just do it. I was told to just get over it & do it, but I can’t, & have noo idea how to relax myself I guess. I’ve literally only kissed a guy..it’s affecting my relationship now :( any advice ????

Category: Tags: asked September 19, 2013

6 Answers

2
Do you have sexual feelings, and are just nervous about going through with it? Or does your anxiety stem from a lack of reciprocating sexual feelings towards anyone?

The two issues would need a different sort of handling. For the first, as the others have said, it may be a matter of trust or comfort, or how you feel. Maybe you have some feelings related to sexuality which you're repressing, maybe something scares you about it, without your consciously being aware of it. You may need to do some soul-searching, or even therapy, to figure out what those feelings are.

For the second situation, it may be that you're simply asexual. This basically means you don't feel sexual impulses at all. There are many people like this, and if you will come to identify as asexual, you shouldn't put pressure on yourself to have sex. You can try looking for like-minded people, or even asexual dating :)

Lastly, whichever one of these two situations you're in, you are NOT weird, there are many in the same boat, who worry over similar issues :)
2
don't ever "just do it"! that will probably just make you feel worse about the whole thing. And don't drink or do drugs to "make it easier" - that's just so not going to help.
1
I know exactly how you feel with backing off when it feels like it might go somewhere. For me, I believe it is a fear of not being good enough. You need to just sit back and think about why you do it, address the problem at the root. You may need a few sessions of therapy, nothing major. Another reason may be self consciousness. Do you feel self conscious? That can often stop people wanting to have sex. It can be quite intimidating. I recommend trying to get out of your head. Don't psyche yourself up! Its really not a big deal. Try not to overthink. Have a bit of harmless fun. I know it's all much easier said that done, but just think what's the worst that could happen?
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The longer you leave it the scarier it gets. Have you talked to him about this? i think that is important. If he is worth this whole relationship he will understand, and help you take your time until you feel comfortable enough to do it without discussion.
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Maybe you just haven't found a person that you trust enough yet! Don't rush it, I guarantee the right one will come along and you will feel so much better than if it was just some random guy. Or have you considered you may be asexual? That would explain it also haha
-1
The first time is always scary. That doesn't mean that you have to feel rush just to do it. You get to choose when you are ready to do so. If the guy really likes you, he will be understandable. Make sure to explain to him what's going on instead of just running away making him feel confused.
To loosen the mood, perhaps some wine, cocktails or hard liquor can ease your nervousness.