Ok.. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know if the things I am about to write about myself is fully correct.
But I will write as much detail i can. Really long essay…..
I am 22 years old guy. Don’t know if it’s young or old. But to simply say.. I am as pathetic as ….. dirt or
anything below. I don’t have any confidence… Low self-esteem, low will-power, (some of my friends say that I am
not that bat looking) but i guess everyone looks way better than me. I lack personality, Can’t talk to girls,
Scared to go anywhere alone. Scared to talk to anyone. Scared to have a fun time. Scared to do anything… I’m
just scared. I beg to anyone who gives a shit.. man… I don’t know anymore.
Alright, I’ll start from the beginning.
I am a typical nerd/geek/dork type guy. I don’t know if my parents are over-protective or not. But for some reason
Me and My younger brother never left our house for long. Both of my parents has job. So they stay out all day. So
we had to stay home. My parents didn’t take us in regular social events, which they admitted was a mistake.
Me and my brother spent most of our childhood at home. So we never really made many friends outside school. I
didn’t have any close friends, I never really invited any friend at home. I don’t know why I never did that….
maybe I thought that it would be too much trouble for my parents .. or maybe I was too shy to bring anyone home.
Me and My brother both were and are Socially awkward. So we still don’t go out much. I barely talked to any
girls… And now I find it a lot easier to text them than calling or talking to them in-person.
A year ago I started texting a friend of my brothers girlfriend (yeap, he became a man before i did). I really
liked her, and I think she fell for me. but before anything could happen, I met someone new. And I fell for her
for the first time. and i fell pretty hard… Like a disaster. We had a relationship. The 1st girl found about our
relationship a month later, and she didn’t take it well. I think she fell in love with me. and i broke her heart.
I felt awful. but it got suppressed by the second girl.But I was so mesmerized that in a matter of a month I
forgot about the first girl.
Our relationship Lasted about 3 months…. she suddenly broke up with me, No reason, no cause… no nothing. I was
so shocked… I started acting like a psycho.. texts after texts… calls after calls… So much headache, so many
nights without any sleep.. I begged so many times.. I lost all the pride I had.. I didn’t have anyone to talk
about this….everything was just crushing down on me.. Man.. I was turning into a complete psycho.
anyway…about 6 months later, I found out that she cheated on me for the last 15/17 days of our relationship. I
found out about her then current boyfriend.(I got what i deserved) … And at last I felt peace, I cried that
night..(lol). But it felt better. I slept like a dead guy… Best sleep in months.
So, I finally got the courage to text the first girl (I know, any self respecting person would never do that, But
I am turned into a mess of meet and flesh) I just wanted something to forget about the second one. I apologized to
her.
So, I told this to the second girl,that i am trying to forget her and she was ok with it!!! . I kept talking to
her… and slowly stopped stalking the second girl. and started to forgot about her. Then I found out that the
first girl is having a relationship with a guy.. who is taller, better looking and is admitted into a better
university. everything about this guy is better.
I wasn’t too shocked, I think I felt that I deserved this. So I took it with a smile. their relationship lasted
for a month. then they broke up. The guy was a tosser… (which is just like my 2nd girl). So I started to talk to
her more freely, and started hinting her that I like her. But she was honest about her feelings and said that she
only loves him. I guess I was upset, but again I felt like I deserved it.
About a month later she started ignoring my massages, and stopped arguing with me. ANd she said she fell for
someone else. And I guess I expected the worst and blocked her…. for two days.
Today, I unblocked her.. and talked to her. She said that she and that guy were back together… and they fixed
95% of their relationship….. now I was shocked. But it isn’t that bad… right now… I am just begging her to
block me. hah hah… and she refuses… It’s like she wants me to look… She wants me to get hurt. And i’ts
working… I can’t keep her blocked… I just unblock her in a day or two. I don’t know what to do… i can’t
forget her. Right now, I feel like I am getting hurt way more than I deserved. I don’t know what to do.
