Help! How do I got back to being happy again? How do I get over this girl who I <3 a lot & has a bf?
Hey. I'm an 18 year old, male, high school senior and I used to be alone sitting in the school cafeteria table during lunch and I don't remember how I felt about that but I used to write raps during those times.
Then I met some friends in late September (school started in August), and we were really happy to meet each other, 2 of them were twins and the 3rd one was busy doing something and she came to our table and she was really beautiful Hispanic emo with blond hair with red streaks and she had a Bowler Hat on and Hazel eyes, she gave me a handshake and said "Hi my name is Christina (that's not her actual name, I made it up, all names are fictional but not what happened), my eyes are Hazel in case you were wondering" and I shook her hand and told her my name and said "they look nice" and I was shy and so she said "you don't like making eye contact do you?".
Days would pass and I was really happy to have made friends I'd say stupid things and make them laugh all the time and I was really creative and original with my stuff. I then invited them to the mall, I'd pay for their tickets to go see the movie Gravity and food and everything (it was actually my dad that offered he told me to invite them and he'll pay). By this time Christina had already gotten a boyfriend, he was invited too and we all had a great time.
More time passed and I invited them to my house, we ate pizza, jumped on the trampoline, I gave them guitar lessons and we watched a movie, another time well spent.
Me and Christina would hang out in school a lot we were great friends, we'd be glad to see each other, we'd give each other hugs, even after school and I loved her a lot (still do).
Then things started going downhill. Christina gets depressed a lot, she gets in fights with her mom a lot, her mom doesn't treat her right, and she told me about it. To make things worse she has a really jealous boyfriend named Larry and she also has a another guy who flirts named Chris with her a lot and she went to her house because he got kicked out of his. Larry was really pissed. We were at school while she was telling me all this and she gets a call from her boyfriend and she starts yelling at him and then she hangs up and starts crying then she tells me something that really scares me. "I almost killed myself last night". I tried talking her out of it and she's still alive thank god but I didn't get to see her the rest of the week and we went into our Winter Break as the week ended so I thought she was dead and I'm a really creative person so I saw a lot of crazy shit.
To make things worse because I love her a lot I had a beautiful dream about her and and I posted it on her Facebook and her boyfriend was pissed at me "stay the fuck away from her, she doesn't need you". Then I found out she went into a mental hospital.
I was really heartbroken over the call, her telling me she almost killed herself, her boyfriend getting upset with me, I was going insane. Because I'm a creative person I could see a bunch of Christina's pushing me around screaming "why did you let me kill myself?!" and as I began apologizing "I'm sorry!". I'm an atheist but I began praying "god if you're real and my friends alive please help her, help her be happy, take my happiness if that's what it takes". I was upset at myself and I kept imagining that I had a twin that did all this (caused drama by posting the dream on her Facebook) so I tied him to a chair with tape and locked him in my closet.
A few more days passed, I invited my friends: Christina, her boyfriend Larry, the twins to my birthday, which was at the mall, unfortunately Christina and Larry got in a fight with the twins so they couldn't make it. So me and the twins had a good time but since then I haven't been the same.
I've become more quiet, the girl I love the most Christina came back to school, I wasn't excited (I think because of her boyfriend), and I didn't want to piss her boyfriend off so I quit giving her hugs and talking to her (id still talk to her just not as much) and I started sort of ignoring her and I've been feeling sad about it. She doesn't know how I feel and I don't know if I should tell her or how I'd do it. Today she treated me very nice and made me feel really great she gave me a handshake and said "hey, how are you doing?" and I said "great" and she gave me a hug before she left which made me feel a lot better but obviously if I'm posting this, I still care about her a lot and I'm still sad, I need some advice or some sympathy, words of wisdom, whatever it is that you can provide by replying to this post.
I've been thinking about posting all this and what finally got to post this all was the fact that she treated me nice today, then she deleted her Facebook, and her boyfriend gave me his new phone number so I get the impression that she might be leaving the city and she's been talking about it for a while and I'm gonna miss her and regret ignoring her if that's the case, I don't know if I'll see her tomorrow, I might but I get the feeling our time is short. Thank for reading up to this point, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it, what are your thoughts, your advice, your 2 cents, how will I get over her, what can I do to feel better and stuff?