Ok. Im sorry about this but, this is gonna be kind of long.
1) I’m a teenage girl in high school that found out she kind of, sort of likes other teenage girls in high school.
2) I have this friend that just came to the U.S. about a year ago. As you might have guessed, it’s a she. She’s from Germany. We became really good friends last year. I always liked talking to her. She’s very intelligent (she learned English while in Germany and she’s fluent in other languages to) and funny and an all around good person. And yeah, this year I just started to acknowledge the feelings I have towards her. Yay, for me right? No, not even remotely because…
3) She’s straight of course. How do I know this? Well, she told me she had a boyfriend but they broke up. Plus, she talks about all these other guys she thinks and knows likes her and it drives me crazy because…
4) We’re not the same people anymore. We don’t talk as much as we used to because I had a bunch of classes with her last year and now I don’t. She has a Facebook but she’s never on there and she has a cell phone but she rarely even has it on. I’ve changed a lot (with my depression, mixed with my already extreme social anxiety and extreme emotional stress/anxiety [that one is complicated. I'll try to explain it a little later] )and she has to because…
5) She started to hang out with this other girl. Imagine how that makes me feel when she’s always with this girl. I mean yes, they she each other more but still. I know she’s a bad influence on her. She’s changed for the worst I think because this new girl is bad news. And everyone knows it. She does things to other people that the girl I like doesn’t know about. She’s still the foreign girl that gives everyone a chance. But that naiveness is what’s getting her into trouble (maybe I’m under estimating her…).
6) At my school, we just had finals. It’s a new semester and the one class that a have with the girl I like is one semester long… see my dilemma? I’m gonna have an even harder time talking to her. (And I have no idea what the girl she hangs out with has but I pray that they don’t have another class together.) How am I just supposed to let this go?
So you see, I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m new to all of this dating relationship stuff and I don’t want to lose an already teetering friendship we have. I’ve gotten distant I have to admit because of this but I don’t want to let it go. I’ve tried. It lasted for a week and I was back to liking a girl who doesn’t even know I have feelings for her. And it kills me. My heart literally hurts when I have too much strong emotions at one time (i.e. extreme emotional stress/anxiety I guess) But all I want is to see her happy. I don’t want to be the one that makes her feel hurt. But this could be the only real shot I have a facing her about this…
I guess what I’m asking is if I should just let her, this whole thing go. Should I confront her? Should I just bury my feelings until the year is up? She’s planning on graduating early anyway next year and I’m planning on going to Europe in the summer (but that’s not final). Can I really just be friends with her after all of this? Maybe I’m asking for too much. I’m still in high school you know, but I just need help with this. If I can get this one problem I have out of the way, I could try and overcome all the other ones I have as well…
