I’m sorry, this must sound like a strange question. Please have patience, I’m very bad at getting my thoughts into words, so I hope this all won’t sound like a bunch of nonsense. I’m having a bit of trouble just understanding people around me I guess. Every single person I see seems so flawless in a way, they have their life figured out and have a deep and defined personality. Everyone just has this certain… I don’t know, I have no idea how to express any of this in words. I just have trouble understanding people I guess, and I feel that I do not have a personality of my own. I’m so disconnected from others, I’d always rather just be alone and I have little want for social interaction. I’m usually unable to express myself in words. For fuck’s sake I don’t even feeling emotions for the most part. Happiness is never there, never. Sadness or despair or whatever the hell it is comes along at times, and I find myself clinging to those emotions just so I can feel some kind of emotion. It always goes away though, and I’m always back with a grey haze of nothingness. Seriously, there’s always nothing. The only thing I feel on a normal basis is irritation, I get irritated from any prolonged work, anyone pushing my buttons (mostly just in regards to family), school, anything, and this irritation makes me pretty much incapable of doing anything. I don’t know, this isn’t what I was planning with this question, but I needed to get that all out. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to change myself or get better or what. Please, I need advice.
everyone at some point start asking themselves the reason why they are alive? sometimes its because of our daily mundane routine that lacks the thrill or passion our heart wants or sometimes its because we have been pushing our petty problems at the back of our minds without sorting them out.it may be your reason of getting irritated so easily,you may had problems in past or maybe some now also but without dealing wit them you try to forget them but in the end all those problems just collects and strike us with full force later that makes us feel uneasy every time .if that not your case then you should take a rest from your daily routines ad indulge in other activities like your hobby or if that the case with you then i believe you should try to sit back relax and remember ur problems and try to sort it out one by one that'll be the ultimate cure.
I link emotion to people literally conditioning myself to like them so when I see a person I don't like I think something happy and eventually they don't bother me anymore. Really you should see a therapist this isn't a problem any of us can help you with you can get proper care there
I would also suggest a hobby
get into music or drawing never have anyone tell you what you can do and what you cant do its up to yousome people need to be alone but being alone all the time will keep you irritated
make some friends at less 1 or 2 good friends also listen to music
if your into rock you might like this
if not your can build you own play list