I finally turned 18 and was diagnosed with cancer the next week…my life is in shambles

I missed out on the best part of senior year and I’m going to be “that bald girl” at graduation. I’m alone, sick and constantly hurting. I used to be the star athlete of the school now in the last 60 days I’ve dropped 60 pounds of muscle and wont play with the women’s team at my college next year like I hoped. Chemo sucks worse than ANYTHING. And to top it all off, my ex is the only person to stay at my bedside through this, and my heart aches for a relationship with her that’s never gonna happen…do I kill myself or what? Cause