My life is great. I’m one of those girls who is always happy, always willing to help, always the smiling and laughing one. I’m chased by many guys, my grades are in the upper 5% of my class, I’m a triple threat in theatre (I’m prolific in acting, singing and dancing), and my family is financially well off. So what I don’t understand is why I don’t feel happy. I don’t feel successful. Most of the time I feel like doing nothing, I only do things so people don’t suspect anything. I have lost all passion for everything I used to love–I feel inadequate constantly, and I judge myself to harshly, but I am gracious and forgiving towards everyone else. I tried to make a list of things I like about myself and I honestly could not think of anything. And I want to be better, I really do. But if I go to anyone I feel like they’ll think I’m just being dramatic, or just going through a phase. But this is too massive to be just a phase. I’ve gotten to the point where I am a completely different person on the inside, I’m just hiding behind the mask of the sweet, innocent, caring, talented beauty that I used to be.
And a notation: I’m not trying to brag when I describe my life, I’m outlining the situation so you can see how confusing this is. I don’t want attention or pity. I want to be the way I was.