I came out as bisexual this year to my friends after I finally made peace with my sexuality, but lately I’ve been feeling like I might be lesbian after I realized that I’ve been having huge crushes on girls and no feelings at all towards boys.
I was in a couple of relationships with boys when I was 13, but that was years ago. During those relationships, I feel like I only really liked one of those guys, but I was so young during that time that I’m not sure if it was real or if I was just being naive. I have never been with a girl, but ever since I started high school I’ve been falling really hard for girls and none of those crushes ever went anywhere because all of those girls were straight friends.
A part of me feels like I shouldn’t rush into labeling myself if I’m not sure. As for now, I honestly cannot see myself loving a boy. I’m very much physically attracted to boys, but I just can’t see myself having a strong emotional connection with any of them. I’m not sure if this is because I haven’t been in a real relationship in so long or if I’m just disgusted with the behavior of the boys around me–but I’m honestly so confused and as horrible as it is for me to say, a part of me is frightened at the idea of being lesbian. I don’t even know how I would begin to explain that to my parents or the people around me in my life. I know that I have a lot of time to figure it out but I’m not even comfortable enough with my sexuality to approach a girl so I don’t even have anything to compare it to in order to know for sure what it is that I want.
I don’t wanna end up coming out to my family as lesbian and then one day end up falling in love with a boy and having to explain that to people. I feel like I shouldn’t label myself at all, but the people in my life make me feel like my bisexuality isn’t valid and that I HAVE to be either straight or gay–they don’t treat me anywhere in between and it’s so frustrating.