I enjoy being mean to my boyfriend


Hi, I’m 16 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. I love him more then life, honestly if I ever lost him I’d be lost myself. Anyway, for some reason sometimes I get enjoyment out of hurting him. Not physically but like being mean, calling him names, ect. I don’t understand why I do this but I do. It’s usually if he hurts me by being mean or something then i do it back but I push it way too far. Even if someone else hurts me or something I hurt my boyfriend . I know he won’t leave me no matter what, I’ve even threatened to break up just so he would beg for me not to. I really honestly love him though.

Category: Tags: asked October 9, 2013

6 Answers

I do not believe that you do not love your boyfriend and I think it's rude to say that you don't. I do believe that you may have some sort of issues that you do need to deal with. I feel that it may be an insecurity problem, that putting him down makes you feel better about yourself. I think that you may have been together for a very long time and it's getting very old and you are getting very weary of the same old thing and it's causing you to lash outI suggest that you either take a break from each other or try to liven your relationship. I wish you the best of luck.
I don't agree with the other two people above me - I can't say whether you love your boyfriend or not. All I can say is if you do love him, then you need to stop hurting him. Love is about caring about someone else, even at your own expense.
No, you don't love him. I'm not saying this to contradict you, but if you love someone, you'll be good to them. Period. However, I had a relationship when I was your age that sounds very similar to this. My boyfriend was just an asshole and impulsively said terrible things to me that hurt me, so I learned to be an asshole like him, because I wanted him to feel how he made me feel. It only made our relationship more toxic.
But, I think that your pattern of lashing out at your boyfriend makes you feel confident on some level. Therefore, whenever you're not feeling good, you lash out and it temporarily satisfies some insecurity and that feels good. The fact that you made him think you were about to break up with him, just to hear him beg, smacks of insecurity. You wouldn't need to hear him beg if you felt good about yourself. You might be feeling insecure because your boyfriend is mean and says things that hurt you. That is not good, and if he is the cause of your insecurity, you need to think about leaving him.
Its normal to have insecurities, especially if your boyfriend is regularly mean and hurtful to you, but the way you're treating each other is basically abuse. If it doesn't stop its going to affect the way you treat other people in your life and change who you are. I don't think that would be a good thing, and you both should try to understand the way you treat each other. Consider if there's anything you would change about your relationship what would it be?
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Maybe you have some sort of unhappiness and unsatisfaction that you take out on him. He, and possibly your next partners, will tolerate it because you tend to set up relationships with people who are not good at picking partners that respect them (i.e, people with good self-esteem drop out of the race earlier). I think this isn't related to love, it's just an attitude problem that you might one day need to address if your relationships will tend to turn out bad.
I think your just being a jerk to him and its not right. You know its not right and you need to work towards fixing it. Your loved ones are not there to be your punching bag, they are a support system for when you need them and vice versa. Sounds to me like you've never learned to appreciate them and i would say you really need to or else you'll find yourself alone and hugely unhappy some day.
I share the same "tendencies" with you. I get satisfaction out of pointing out my boyfriend's flaws and being extremely mean and I do this when he does something really wrong. And well it sort of evens out because I do more nice things than I do bad. It's my conscience. If you can't stop being mean, then at least do more nice things to him if you really honestly love him.